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September 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM
For Pinky Swear:
More great aesthetics in this fic. You don't lose my interest with too much description, but give enough that I can lose myself in the atmosphere. The burrs on their jeans, the frogs throaty ribbit. The inexpressible hesitation, regret(?) and sorrow, in the air around Jonah.
LOL: "I want to be…I don't know. James fucking Bond."
Both Jonah and Griff really felt like strong, believable 16-year-olds. They came to life with their little bit of optimism and hopeful dreaming and their little bit of fear, pessimism and realism.
Is there a story associated with the scab on Jonah's wrist that he picks at...? Me sense unwritten stories in the imagination of AppleGreenSea. The more I study about narratology, the more I realize that the best characters are the ones that the author has a complete history worked out for, but only shares with the reader a moment in time for the character.
New Girl:
Annamarie was real too--as one personality that tends to find it's way into the female gender: " . . .Her tone was clearly disdainful, in an underhanded, backbiting way that made it clear she'd never actually say it to the girl's face." But you didn't stop there. As is human nature, she was contradictory when she defends with "You all shouldn't talk about girls that way," she snapped." Complex psychology so briefly captured.
Oh! More with Jonah's longing...I love it...such quiet, easily missed if read too fast, but clear UST.
Well! I'm done reading all your stories here. Woe! Sorry for such loooong comments. I obviously don't share your talent for capturing thoughts and emotions and placing them succinctly into words.
More great aesthetics in this fic. You don't lose my interest with too much description, but give enough that I can lose myself in the atmosphere. The burrs on their jeans, the frogs throaty ribbit. The inexpressible hesitation, regret(?) and sorrow, in the air around Jonah.
LOL: "I want to be…I don't know. James fucking Bond."
Both Jonah and Griff really felt like strong, believable 16-year-olds. They came to life with their little bit of optimism and hopeful dreaming and their little bit of fear, pessimism and realism.
Is there a story associated with the scab on Jonah's wrist that he picks at...? Me sense unwritten stories in the imagination of AppleGreenSea. The more I study about narratology, the more I realize that the best characters are the ones that the author has a complete history worked out for, but only shares with the reader a moment in time for the character.
New Girl:
Annamarie was real too--as one personality that tends to find it's way into the female gender: " . . .Her tone was clearly disdainful, in an underhanded, backbiting way that made it clear she'd never actually say it to the girl's face." But you didn't stop there. As is human nature, she was contradictory when she defends with "You all shouldn't talk about girls that way," she snapped." Complex psychology so briefly captured.
Oh! More with Jonah's longing...I love it...such quiet, easily missed if read too fast, but clear UST.
Well! I'm done reading all your stories here. Woe! Sorry for such loooong comments. I obviously don't share your talent for capturing thoughts and emotions and placing them succinctly into words.
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October 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoyed chapter 2. The angst is about to begin for Johan.
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October 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Yep, I'm still reading and I still like the story. Looking forward to seeing where it goes.
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October 6, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Once again, I'm glad I clicked on this. It's really good so far, please continue it.
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October 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Awwwww.. Man.. This story made me cry. It reminds me of
my best friend back then... Good old times man, hope you
update soon!!!
my best friend back then... Good old times man, hope you
update soon!!!
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October 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Good story so far; I'd like to read more.
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October 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Lovely story so far. I think it will make me cry. I hope you do write more of it.