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October 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
please finish big bad wolf first?
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January 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Great story. Love it so far. Hope you update soon.
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January 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hi. I would love to see an update to tt story too I love the characters plus it is kind of at a cliffhanger.
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December 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
again you peek my intrest very well i will be waiting for updates
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October 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
More please! Where are you Shiba?
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September 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Your story sounds very interesting. I haven't read your other story yet but I hope you'll continue this one.
xx
xx
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September 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I loved chapter two - especially shiba nd Himeko cuddling together. So sweet. I thought it was very cute that Shiba got sensitive while he was holding Himeko. Please keep going with this story. I think the chemistry between Himeko and Shiba is dynamite. The other characters are all very endearing too. Obviously there are going to be a lot of guys making passes at Himeko. I can't wait to read more. Both stories are great.
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September 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
That was great!!! I really hope Shiba is going to rescue him!!!! He has been raped enough for one life!!! He really needs some love!!!! I thank you for the two updates!!! See you soon!!!!
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September 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
yeah make more.....don't care what you put in it; sex or not.
I just like the characters >w< so kawaii.....
great now I sound like an idiot
I just like the characters >w< so kawaii.....
great now I sound like an idiot
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September 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You should get a beta reader, and work in your descriptions. I saw that you said your english isn't good, which is why a beta reader would be a good choice. I also saw that you're looking for one. I would offer, but I'm too damn busy with work and college to do it.
There were a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, enough to be distracting to the reader, and it might make some believe that you're pretty young. I don't remember the first chapter being like this, but besides that, this chapter was okay-- if a little short. I don't usually mind them, but for some reason this chapter just rubbed me the wrong way.
Just to give a few examples:
Where you used 'cm' should be spelled out, centimeter.
"He saw some men lurking around Riskos' hut. Wanting to see the new addition to the camp." These should be combined, to make a single sentence. Also, you might want to work on the flow of your sentences. Try not to use 'and' too much, or repetitive use of any word in a single sentence or a paragraph.
A lot of it can be fixed with a good look over by you, or even better, someone else who can see them easier (it's always harder to spot errors in your own work.)
Please, don't let this review be taken as a flame or discouragement. You could even take it as a compliment, if you wanted, because usually if I see something with mistakes I just don't bother to read anymore. I want you to continue writing, but a few small changes can make reading this so much more enjoyable.
Bah, I also get that this is probably just for fun and shouldn't be taken so seriously right? Which is perfectly fine, and is why it's a good thing you can completely ignore everything I said above and focus completely on below! >_>
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Now on to a less technical review? Himeko is popular! Everyone offering to carry him, it's so cute.... XD Though it seems he's in trouble, I really hope Shiba comes to save the day...or someone! Please? :3 OOh, or maybe Himeko can show off his feisty side and kick some butt, kinda.. because I doubt he could even if he tried! LOL
There were a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, enough to be distracting to the reader, and it might make some believe that you're pretty young. I don't remember the first chapter being like this, but besides that, this chapter was okay-- if a little short. I don't usually mind them, but for some reason this chapter just rubbed me the wrong way.
Just to give a few examples:
Where you used 'cm' should be spelled out, centimeter.
"He saw some men lurking around Riskos' hut. Wanting to see the new addition to the camp." These should be combined, to make a single sentence. Also, you might want to work on the flow of your sentences. Try not to use 'and' too much, or repetitive use of any word in a single sentence or a paragraph.
A lot of it can be fixed with a good look over by you, or even better, someone else who can see them easier (it's always harder to spot errors in your own work.)
Please, don't let this review be taken as a flame or discouragement. You could even take it as a compliment, if you wanted, because usually if I see something with mistakes I just don't bother to read anymore. I want you to continue writing, but a few small changes can make reading this so much more enjoyable.
Bah, I also get that this is probably just for fun and shouldn't be taken so seriously right? Which is perfectly fine, and is why it's a good thing you can completely ignore everything I said above and focus completely on below! >_>
~~~~
Now on to a less technical review? Himeko is popular! Everyone offering to carry him, it's so cute.... XD Though it seems he's in trouble, I really hope Shiba comes to save the day...or someone! Please? :3 OOh, or maybe Himeko can show off his feisty side and kick some butt, kinda.. because I doubt he could even if he tried! LOL