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May 6, 2010 at 12:00 AM
That was an amazing chapter! The cliffhanger at the end always makes me so giddy for the next chapter!
Keep up the great work! I can't wait!! :)
Keep up the great work! I can't wait!! :)
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May 6, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Ah, I'm a bit torn. I love the way you wrote their tender first lovemaking. It was hot and well-written: perfect.
On the other hand, I found the way Hades sneakily shoved the seeds into her mouth when she was semi-conscious and not in a condition to give her consent to be rather disturbing. Yes, it was consistent with the way you have developed his character flaws of insensitivity and selfishness when it comes to his heartfelt desire. Yet I had hoped that he had developed enough respect for Persephone to trust that she would choose on her own to stay with him. I trust that you will explore this issue in future chapters.
For the record, I very much support Persephone and Hades being together and in love, but I'd like to see Hades truly, explicitly understand and repent the cruel and insensitive aspects of how he has treated Persephone. Not to mention Demeter.
On the other hand, I found the way Hades sneakily shoved the seeds into her mouth when she was semi-conscious and not in a condition to give her consent to be rather disturbing. Yes, it was consistent with the way you have developed his character flaws of insensitivity and selfishness when it comes to his heartfelt desire. Yet I had hoped that he had developed enough respect for Persephone to trust that she would choose on her own to stay with him. I trust that you will explore this issue in future chapters.
For the record, I very much support Persephone and Hades being together and in love, but I'd like to see Hades truly, explicitly understand and repent the cruel and insensitive aspects of how he has treated Persephone. Not to mention Demeter.
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May 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
really liked the way you had her eat the fruit and seal her fate.
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May 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Another great chapter! I love reading the reactions and comments of the other gods. You write them just as I imagine they would be.
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May 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Minthe - Oppian, Halieutica 3. 485 (trans. Mair) (Greek poet C3rd A.D.) :
"Mint (Mintha), men say, was once a maid beneath the earth, a Nymphe of Kokytos, and she lay in the bed of Aidoneus; but when he raped the maid Persephone from the Aitnaian hill [Mount Aitna in Sicily], then she complained loudly with overweening words and raved foolishly for jealousy, and Demeter in anger trampled upon her with her feet and destroyed her. For she had said that she was nobler of form and more excellent in beauty than dark-eyed Persephone and she boasted that Aidoneus would return to her and banish the other from his halls: such infatuation leapt upon her tongue. And from the earth spray the weak herb that bears her name."
http://www.theoi.com/Khthonios/Haides.html
I thought it was interesting. Jealousy can always spice up a story : )
"Mint (Mintha), men say, was once a maid beneath the earth, a Nymphe of Kokytos, and she lay in the bed of Aidoneus; but when he raped the maid Persephone from the Aitnaian hill [Mount Aitna in Sicily], then she complained loudly with overweening words and raved foolishly for jealousy, and Demeter in anger trampled upon her with her feet and destroyed her. For she had said that she was nobler of form and more excellent in beauty than dark-eyed Persephone and she boasted that Aidoneus would return to her and banish the other from his halls: such infatuation leapt upon her tongue. And from the earth spray the weak herb that bears her name."
http://www.theoi.com/Khthonios/Haides.html
I thought it was interesting. Jealousy can always spice up a story : )
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May 3, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hi! I really like your story and update soon!
That said, I know I'm late but I have some advice for going about getting published.
First, there is tons and tons and tons of info on the web, free. Google is your friend. Getting published has a fairly particular path. Once your story is finished, it needs to be edited and polished. You want it perfect before doing any submissions at all, otherwise it will be a rejection and you'll have wasted your shot with anyone you've submitted to.
Once the story is polished, you will want to write a query letter (again very specific, a difficult skill to learn), which you will submit to agents. If they are interested by your letter, they will request a partial or full. Then read it and either reject it or offer to become your agent.
Once you get an agent, they will want rewrites. After your rewrites are completed, the agent will then query publishers, who will reject it or offer to publish it. Contracts are negotiated, etc etc. Then the publisher will want rewrites, and so on.
All right so that's the base. A couple notes: Publishing on this site can mess with your chances to publish. Before querying, I'd take the story down and don't post any rewrites. Publishers don't often pick up books that are "previously published." Why would they print something that people have already read (for free too)?
Check out agent blogs, absolute write dot com, and when you are sending your query letters make sure to check the agents with preditor and editors (to avoid scammers). Remember, anyone who asks you for money is NOT legit.
That said, I know I'm late but I have some advice for going about getting published.
First, there is tons and tons and tons of info on the web, free. Google is your friend. Getting published has a fairly particular path. Once your story is finished, it needs to be edited and polished. You want it perfect before doing any submissions at all, otherwise it will be a rejection and you'll have wasted your shot with anyone you've submitted to.
Once the story is polished, you will want to write a query letter (again very specific, a difficult skill to learn), which you will submit to agents. If they are interested by your letter, they will request a partial or full. Then read it and either reject it or offer to become your agent.
Once you get an agent, they will want rewrites. After your rewrites are completed, the agent will then query publishers, who will reject it or offer to publish it. Contracts are negotiated, etc etc. Then the publisher will want rewrites, and so on.
All right so that's the base. A couple notes: Publishing on this site can mess with your chances to publish. Before querying, I'd take the story down and don't post any rewrites. Publishers don't often pick up books that are "previously published." Why would they print something that people have already read (for free too)?
Check out agent blogs, absolute write dot com, and when you are sending your query letters make sure to check the agents with preditor and editors (to avoid scammers). Remember, anyone who asks you for money is NOT legit.
schedule
May 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I like the cameos that the other gods have in here, showing us something of themselves and making them more clear as characters. Loved Artemis and Athena's different approaches. Kick-ass chapter all through.
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May 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM
getting juicier. :D
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April 29, 2010 at 12:00 AM
omg you need to update this story soon! I hope its not almost over.
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April 13, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I found this story Sunday (I think, lost track of time) and just finished reading. You've certainly done a great job. The characters are portrayed well, and all the twists and turns are very interesting. I generally don't like romance stories, but this is great!
And now the critique part. Just about every chapter has some typos. They're confusing at times, but not too distracting. Still, if you are going to get this published (which you totally should do), it needs to be proof read. Slightly more distracting are instances where 'a' and 'an' get used with the wrong noun, also prevalent in most chapters. I can't recall a specific example, but it most often occurred when there was an adjective between 'an' and a noun that started with a vowel. In these cases, the particle should match the adjective, or the word directly after it.
I'm excited to see more! I don't have an account here, so I'll have to bookmark it...
And now the critique part. Just about every chapter has some typos. They're confusing at times, but not too distracting. Still, if you are going to get this published (which you totally should do), it needs to be proof read. Slightly more distracting are instances where 'a' and 'an' get used with the wrong noun, also prevalent in most chapters. I can't recall a specific example, but it most often occurred when there was an adjective between 'an' and a noun that started with a vowel. In these cases, the particle should match the adjective, or the word directly after it.
I'm excited to see more! I don't have an account here, so I'll have to bookmark it...