First, let me way I'm enjoying this story. However, it does rub the wrong way when I encounter story plot that seems too far out of reality.
I'm reading chapter 4. Devin, a nurse practitioner and volunteer at a homeless shelter, has takin in an abused guy who has lived a while as a submissive to a sadistic Dom.
The whole narrative regarding Devin's struggle to deal with his roomate Chris is way off the mark for a medical professional, even a nurse practitioner with his own difficult history . There is mention of professional phsychologists available at the center but at no time does Devin consider using these persons for Chris or for himself. Instead he turns to the internet for help?
I know from personal experience the internet has a lot of very useful information to help someone with medical background identify Chris' state of mind. Unless Devin is a total idiot, he should be able to recognize what is going on and plan something better, for himself or for Chris, than what happens in the story.
Your story is not the first with the problem of persons acting in unrealistic manner hoewever I hope that you take interest to improve your story. With a few tweaks letting Devin comsult a professional to help himself deal with Chris, the same story events could happen and seem plausible.
Written with the most sincere intentions and hoping for a really tight and beleievable story,
Merle G. gremmerm@gmail.com
What I enjoyed the most was the plot, I think it had a very good build up, except the random lulls of nothing much happening (but they served the purpose as well). Although I have to say I found it very hard for to imagine Jayden riding Devin, when I pictured it in my head I laughed quite a bit.
p.s. once this is finished you could totally get it published. this is so much better than other published stuff I've read :)
i think this fic is amazing and i hope it gets completed in the near future ^w^