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November 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
The story has my interest which is pretty good. In the second chapter, I couldn't help but think that there's a sort of Pagan feel to it, which could be a good or a bad thing depending on if you support the Pagans or not. Update soon, I look forward to it!
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March 27, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You clearly have a good idea here for a sinister, compelling story.
There are two pieces of cc that I would offer. First, if you can write a good story, then you can write a decent summary. Even if you think you can't, don't admit it, just do your best. "I suck at summaries, read this, you'll like it." doesn't inspire confidence that the story is going to be good, so a lot of readers will just pass it by.
Also, you might want to consider a beta reader, as there are some errors that won't be caught by spellcheck, but that are kind of jarring. For example, "This makes know since." should be "This makes no sense."
There are two pieces of cc that I would offer. First, if you can write a good story, then you can write a decent summary. Even if you think you can't, don't admit it, just do your best. "I suck at summaries, read this, you'll like it." doesn't inspire confidence that the story is going to be good, so a lot of readers will just pass it by.
Also, you might want to consider a beta reader, as there are some errors that won't be caught by spellcheck, but that are kind of jarring. For example, "This makes know since." should be "This makes no sense."