rate_review Reviews

excellent brilliant story keep up the good work

hmm, its a good start but it seems to me like you throw a lot of details at the reader all at once.

I suggest you take things slower ^^

Also I found a few grammar mistakes (like not starting a new paragraph for every new speaker) it gets confusing as I didn't know who was talking.

I'd be happy to proof read your next chapter if you're interested in making your story better :D

All in all I liked it! Hope you update soon!