schedule
February 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I started reading your story a long time ago, along with Mosoon. They both consumed me until I got crazy busy with rl and school and shit. Anyway, I love your story. It seems after your break, your story matured. Or maybe it was just Muffin, idk. I just think it seemed different. I wanted so badly for Muffin just to shut his face and be blissfully happy for once but nooo he had to be a turd. -_- I really wanted it to be a happy ending but your ending seemed more fitting. It seems more realistic. I would love to read a sequel if you every make one. Or just Asher's point of view for a short would be nice even. I liked that he was so complex. Please let me know if you make a sequel! I just wish I could have reviewed earlier. I read most of this story on my blackberry and it wouldn't let me post my review! T-T Thanks for being my escape from reality.
PS: I like angst. I wouldn't change your writing style for the world, lol.
PS: I like angst. I wouldn't change your writing style for the world, lol.
schedule
January 27, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I have to say, I enjoyed this story thoroughly, it being my procrastinating partner during this week. At first, yes, the plot did sound a little cliché, but you soon proved my first assumption wrong. One thing that particullarly intrigued me was that I wasn't able to feel real attachment to any of the characters individually but the curiosity pertaining to how their story would unfold kept me reading with gusto. The moment of Matthew's recolection of the accident that killed his family nearly made me shed a tear. On the other hand, I felt Asher & co got what was comming to them. Heh, bastards. Anyway, now I'm curious to know if the FBI was able to convict Asher. Off to read the sequel now.
One more thing though. You should revise the story, fill in any plot holes, thin down the porn and send the result to a publisher. At worst you'll get a resounding "no", which you technically already have, so you have nothing to lose, really, and the world needs more stories focusing on gay characters, especially when they are gay POWERFUL characters (Asher). If you got a yes, imagine what you could gain. If not much money, at least you'd have the chance to share the story with even more than 57045 people (AFF.Net stats at the time of writing this review). I'd certainly buy a copy if it ever made it to Portugal. Don't be afraid, go for it!
P.S.: The reason I said to cut down on the porn wasn't because it isn't good enough, it's because, at least from my book browsing experience, books with explicit sex in them aren't exactly on the front shelves.
One more thing though. You should revise the story, fill in any plot holes, thin down the porn and send the result to a publisher. At worst you'll get a resounding "no", which you technically already have, so you have nothing to lose, really, and the world needs more stories focusing on gay characters, especially when they are gay POWERFUL characters (Asher). If you got a yes, imagine what you could gain. If not much money, at least you'd have the chance to share the story with even more than 57045 people (AFF.Net stats at the time of writing this review). I'd certainly buy a copy if it ever made it to Portugal. Don't be afraid, go for it!
P.S.: The reason I said to cut down on the porn wasn't because it isn't good enough, it's because, at least from my book browsing experience, books with explicit sex in them aren't exactly on the front shelves.
schedule
January 23, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Wow I loved the story's plot. Great writing style, you did well in writing from a first person's perspective!
As much as I loved AsherxMuffin pairing, I'm a little into VincenzoxMuffin towards the near end. The sexual tensions between them may have been a bit too much for me to handle <3
But as you have mentioned, something seems missing from this series. But I'm glad to see that you have already began a sequel, which I will be reading soon. The ending really left me in an awe-struck feeling.
It's the type of ending that gives me the feeling of "It's not over; it has just begun."
Please continue to do your best <3 Hope to see you writing more captivating stories! You can do it~
As much as I loved AsherxMuffin pairing, I'm a little into VincenzoxMuffin towards the near end. The sexual tensions between them may have been a bit too much for me to handle <3
But as you have mentioned, something seems missing from this series. But I'm glad to see that you have already began a sequel, which I will be reading soon. The ending really left me in an awe-struck feeling.
It's the type of ending that gives me the feeling of "It's not over; it has just begun."
Please continue to do your best <3 Hope to see you writing more captivating stories! You can do it~
schedule
January 23, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Oops, sorry about my previous review, it got cut off. Second try:
Wow I loved the story's plot. Great writing style, you did well in writing from a first person's perspective!
As much as I loved AsherxMuffin pairing, I'm a little into VincenzoxMuffin towards the near end. The sexual tensions between them may have been a bit too much for me to handle~
But as you have mentioned, something seems missing from this series. But I'm glad to see that you have already began a sequel, which I will be reading soon. The ending really left me in an awe-struck feeling.
It's the type of ending that gives me the feeling of "It's not over; it has just begun."
Please continue to do your best! Hope to see you writing more captivating stories! You can do it~
Wow I loved the story's plot. Great writing style, you did well in writing from a first person's perspective!
As much as I loved AsherxMuffin pairing, I'm a little into VincenzoxMuffin towards the near end. The sexual tensions between them may have been a bit too much for me to handle~
But as you have mentioned, something seems missing from this series. But I'm glad to see that you have already began a sequel, which I will be reading soon. The ending really left me in an awe-struck feeling.
It's the type of ending that gives me the feeling of "It's not over; it has just begun."
Please continue to do your best! Hope to see you writing more captivating stories! You can do it~
schedule
January 17, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Everybody pictures characters differently, and these aren’t perfect, but I bring you a first attempt at casting. It was tortuous work, poring through pictures of models! You did pick some really rare hair and eye color combos.
Matthew:
Descriptions in the story: brilliant green eyes, thick black lashes, plump lips, black hair
Boy this was tough. I mean I can picture him, but all I could find with black hair and green eyes and the skinny former street kid look were teen emos, and I would feel like a creeper linking to them. So Shirota Yuu will have to do for now. He’s got the black hair and plump lips. Yes, I know Matthew is not Japanese and Spanish and the eyes aren’t green, but this guy looks pretty ambiguous in most photos.
http://tinypic.com/r/29gcwi8/7
http://i52.tinypic.com/2woakx5.jpg
Asher:
Descriptions in the story: washed out brown, almost sandy hair, grey eyes
I dunno, this guy's younger than I pictured, but it's hard to find older models. He at least does it for the grey eyes/sandy hair and brooding boss look. I can picture him in the 1st part of the story sitting in his office, petting a white cat (oh that never happened you say?) and smirking evilly. And Hugo Sauzay is hot, which is the main requirement for Asher of course.
http://models.com/work/loptimum-hugo-in-loptimum/viewAll
http://thefashionisto.com/hugo-sauzay-by-toni-thorimbert-for-peuterey-aigulle-noire-fall-2010-campaign/
Vincenzo:
Descriptions in the story: heavy, hairy, pale-skinned, "rich black facial hair", caramel eyes.
This was another hard one. All the models and actors I looked at were too ‘pretty boy’. I knew I wasn't going to find a hot, scarred Italian gangster, but dang it. Also, word to the wise, don't ever google "hairy italian". Barf. Gattuso the footballer sort of fits most of the description.
http://i54.tinypic.com/1zdulfm.jpg
http://i56.tinypic.com/29xt7qo.jpg
http://i52.tinypic.com/t8awt4.jpg (slightly nsfw)
Matthew:
Descriptions in the story: brilliant green eyes, thick black lashes, plump lips, black hair
Boy this was tough. I mean I can picture him, but all I could find with black hair and green eyes and the skinny former street kid look were teen emos, and I would feel like a creeper linking to them. So Shirota Yuu will have to do for now. He’s got the black hair and plump lips. Yes, I know Matthew is not Japanese and Spanish and the eyes aren’t green, but this guy looks pretty ambiguous in most photos.
http://tinypic.com/r/29gcwi8/7
http://i52.tinypic.com/2woakx5.jpg
Asher:
Descriptions in the story: washed out brown, almost sandy hair, grey eyes
I dunno, this guy's younger than I pictured, but it's hard to find older models. He at least does it for the grey eyes/sandy hair and brooding boss look. I can picture him in the 1st part of the story sitting in his office, petting a white cat (oh that never happened you say?) and smirking evilly. And Hugo Sauzay is hot, which is the main requirement for Asher of course.
http://models.com/work/loptimum-hugo-in-loptimum/viewAll
http://thefashionisto.com/hugo-sauzay-by-toni-thorimbert-for-peuterey-aigulle-noire-fall-2010-campaign/
Vincenzo:
Descriptions in the story: heavy, hairy, pale-skinned, "rich black facial hair", caramel eyes.
This was another hard one. All the models and actors I looked at were too ‘pretty boy’. I knew I wasn't going to find a hot, scarred Italian gangster, but dang it. Also, word to the wise, don't ever google "hairy italian". Barf. Gattuso the footballer sort of fits most of the description.
http://i54.tinypic.com/1zdulfm.jpg
http://i56.tinypic.com/29xt7qo.jpg
http://i52.tinypic.com/t8awt4.jpg (slightly nsfw)
schedule
January 16, 2011 at 12:00 AM
oh. my. gosh. i have never had a story on AFF make me cry until muffin. i ashamed to admit, i had passed over your story a few times because i was judging a story by its title. i saw that matthew was a sequal, so i decided to give muffin a try. i started reading it yesterday, and i have done almost nothing for two days but read. i even passed up pre-birthday partying to stay home and finish it (my bday is tomorrow). the emotional rollercoaster you took me on was breathtaking and dreadful and fantastic all at the same time. the way you weave your words sucked me into muffins world. i was terrified when mario was shot and we thought michael was going to kill us. i was devastated when we thought asher had betrayed us. i was anguished when we learned the truth too late. i felt like bastian in the neverending story. you use words like paint, not to paint a picture, but to paint a whole world around us. im about to start matthew with the hopes that it will put a bandaid over the ache in my heart over how muffin ended. i wanted it to end happy and for asher to grow a heart of gold and for muffin to realise his capasity for love and for everything to be hunky dorey, but your ending, no matter how painful, was way better. in my rambling way, i wanted to tell you thank you for sharing your talent with all of us. you rock
eagerly awaiting more -rio-
(i had to write this review 3 times because the first time i accidently tabed back and losted it, and the second time when i pressed enter it was the nightly maintanence time. i hope third times a charm)
eagerly awaiting more -rio-
(i had to write this review 3 times because the first time i accidently tabed back and losted it, and the second time when i pressed enter it was the nightly maintanence time. i hope third times a charm)
schedule
January 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
You are good enough to try writing for money given what currently passes as literature!!! This story moved me. You can certainly make it better if you want. Particularly when you seem aware of your shortcomings though I dont recall that many but hey! Writers are like that, ne? Please do a one shot at least, dun care if its not w/ Vince but please tell me the poor kid -Btw, loved matthew's name!- found closure after so much angst! My heart went out to him! He did what he could to protect Asher and Asher is territorial and aggresive so please, kitty licks and kisses, please give him happines!!! He suffered so much!!! Don't go all reality is cruel! *begs some more*. I know writing as a hobby vs reality can be harrowing but surely you can find a bit of time to give your brainchild closure... Please!
schedule
January 9, 2011 at 12:00 AM
hooked to the very end. I loved it. but sadly i still wonder if muffin ever open his dinner and if asher went to jail after all. but anyways thanks for the exciting entertainment. I wish there was a oneshot or sequel *wink* anyways loved it
schedule
January 9, 2011 at 12:00 AM
A great story, a great plot and great characters. I loved this story very much and hope you'll write a sequel. I can't get enpugh of Asher and Matthew. Thanks for this great piece of writing.
schedule
January 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM
What, what? Oh, no no no no! You can NOT stop there! I refuse to allow it! Does Asher find him? Does he know exactly why Muffin did what he did? Sequel!! please, you really can't stop there! It's like those films you watch that are absolutely brilliant, but when it comes to the ending you're like... "Well, that was fantastic, but surely there's more?" I can't express how (can't believe I'm saying this) upset it makes me, thinking that this isn't going to continue. >> I'll stop now. That's how it is. On another note, this story is ( I say is, in hopes that it's not finished yet) absolutey fantastic. Weee x x
- Tex
- Tex