rate_review Reviews

gaaaaaahhhh!!!!! T_T you and muffin were sorely missed! Thanks for bringing the story back with an awesome chapter! This whole muffincenzo is growing on me... But I have the feeling something wild is about to happen! What's he running from!?!? Or whom....

Ah! So I haven't been reading this cause i was annoyed at Asher (still am) and it just seemed to be dragging. But my curiosity won out and i read the last...4?...chapters this morning. Holy shit! They had sex? But I could kill Asher, he's such a bastard. I hope he gets whats coming to him. and this last chapter, really? One of the best cliffhangers i've ever read. I will definitely be hanging on pins and needles until the next update!

i really love your story, so good i would by your book. Please hurry, I am literally bouncing off the walls in anticipation for the next chapter! I can't wait for you to reveal the origins of his scars and his past, hope it is soon.

Love you so much, so glad I read this story...I also love Night Writer's (and yours) story Monsoon, thanks for recommending it!

love this story its delicous, couldn't stop reading once i started :)

What a wonderful story you have! Definitely one of the better ones I've come across lately.

That being said though - the pacing. Oh goodness, the pacing you have going as of now. You tend to drag your feet when it comes to unveiling the plot - this wouldn't be so bad except it's the fact you create huge openings for explanations and questions to be answered, but then just leave rather awkwardly without having anything divulged. Rinse and repeat - you don't drop clues, you just re-affirm already known facts, and then cut off without explanations. This affects the situations you create using these unanswered questions, since with the way you drag on and on, the reader starts to get frustrated and in the end can't deal with the prolonged mystery anymore, or just ignores it and doesn't care.

Your pacing also affects characterization - especially prominent in later chapters. One chapter will have Muffin be a vitriolic, smug douchebag, and another will have him suddenly gush sympathy. You're starting to hit a wall with your own characters, and now you're twisting the character to fit the situation. Muffin is the exact same boy as he was in chapter one - you haven't progressed in his personality at all. The fact that so many events have passed and he seems to not be affected is rather jarring. He continues to approach things the same way, react in the same way and treat things the same way as before, and this creates situations where one does wonder why he hasn't learned yet. You seem to like to inflict karma burns on him to make up for his attitude, but what you're really doing is making his character look rather silly, and it's frustrating this sudden stillness in characterization.

I like how create you are in your cute little metaphors - however, you should stay away from the existential banter in large amounts. You do it well at times, but other times it can't be seen as anything but contrived and confusingly placed.

I finally finished this awesome story and I am SO fucking upset! I already have Muffin w/drawal! I LOVE Muffin, the story and the boy! I also love Asher, believe it or not. What really got me was when Asher admitted to Muffin when they were at Anna's that he had been calling her every day to report on Muffin. Also, the chapter when Muffin made the food delivery, Asher told him the people he trusted to watch Muffin had to leave w/him. So....for those 5 weeks apart, he had his guys watching Muffin, making sure he was safe. That was amazing. Anyway, this is one of the most riveting stories on here. You are an amazing writer: extremely prolific, detail oriented and funny, OMFG so funny! The conference room scene; priceless! Gaybarebacksex.com, OMG, who thinks of this stuff??????? I think I reviewed that chapter; I was falling off my stool dying of laughter!! I know school is tough and gets in the way of your excellent writing, but now that it's summer, maybe more updates????? What is your major btw? You should sell your stories, I'm serious; your imagination has no bounds, your writing is impeccable, no errors, incredible! Imagine if you sold this story to a publisher and they made a movie out of it? That would be AWESOME!!!!! Anyways, sorry I rambling. I just LOVE your writing. Pls. update soon?????? Pretty please????? Oh, and everytime I think of this story, I think of "Do you know the Muffin Man?", that you mentioned two chapters ago! Funny....well, I'm gonna stop now, this review is WAYYYYYY too long! Happy 4th!!!!

I know I just R & R'd, but I forgot in my long winded review, that I LOVE the banter between Muffin and Mario; they are so funny together! You have such a GREAT sense of humor! Also, it would be so interesting to read the story from Asher POV. I know he really cares for Muffin, it would be great to read what he's thinking and why. Anyway, ok, so I'll stop now. Great work!!!!!

I know, I know, I gotta stop clicking on that damn review button!!!! I know some of the reviewers were curious as to where Goomba comes from; isn't it Italian? There's actually a dj in NYC with the name Goomba Johnny. His real name is Johnny, but they call him Goomba b/c he's Italian. It's like an Italian nickname, right? Ok, so now I think I'm done for the night. Maybe......

Love your story, very original! So cute. Please continue. So far my favorite on this site!

Lots to love,
Karv

back from my trip, and a new chapter awaits~!!! XD
whoopie~!

and whoa, a no-ahser chapter! wow~
instead, in its place, is a mario and gomba bonding session chapter~!
strange isnt it, how both of them had nightmares, and both of them got injured, and both of them treated the other person's injuries~!

to top it off, muffin cooked~! for vin~! and served him! and they ate together while having 'nice' conversation~!
imagine is asher knew, he'd be jealous!!! xD

and alrick! and the post its.
initially i thought it was asher and his usual teasing and mother-hen over muffin...

but the books... and the note...
and to 'run' ....
one word can mean so many things! its like a secret password, you know it has a meaning of great importance, but still you're faced in a dilema, what to do?! somehow, wouldnt alrick be in trouble for telling muffin to run? or is it a trap? or is he helping? gah!
omg! muffin's dizziness is just gonna get worse!

running away wont be so hard with mr.cripple asleep...
but will muffin run? will asher return before he can run?
what happens after he runs? gets caught? aaah!!!! > _ <

omg all the possibilities and different path's this plot can take at this simple word~!
so far, all muffin has been doing is running and running. he settles for awhile then he's back to running~! how long or far will he have to run before this story comes to a close?
we dont even know the mystery or the aim of this all~! its just going on and slowly things are unravelling.....

like a secret diary being read. O_O wow~~~

feels very mysterious suddenly~
whoaoahaohaohaoahoooooo the suspense has taken a different aura, but nethertheless, it is still overwhelming~!!!

jhou must update my dearest!~ for this epic sage feels like it has just begun!

- nekoii =3