schedule
November 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
excellent story keep going with it its a great start keep up the good work
schedule
January 1, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Allow me to preface this by saying that I did enjoy the chapter. I find the cultural and social differences that Sara must face intriguing and am curious to how these differences might affect a relationship. However, I also hope you don't mind if I provide what I mean as constructive criticism.
It seems a little rushed. I don't know if this is it and you wanted to get it all in one chapter or not, but I kind of wanted to get to know the characters a bit better and I was a little surprised at how quickly they started anything sexual and the "i love you" seemed a little soon for two girls who never, apparently, even exchanged names. Are they normally that impulsive?
I did find the grammatical errors distracting, but it didn't seem like something that couldn't be easily remedied with some extra proofreading either by yourself or by someone else whose grammar you trust. Sometimes, no matter how many times one proofreads, our brain will unconsciously correct errors in our writing that others not familiar with the piece will catch later.
It seems a little rushed. I don't know if this is it and you wanted to get it all in one chapter or not, but I kind of wanted to get to know the characters a bit better and I was a little surprised at how quickly they started anything sexual and the "i love you" seemed a little soon for two girls who never, apparently, even exchanged names. Are they normally that impulsive?
I did find the grammatical errors distracting, but it didn't seem like something that couldn't be easily remedied with some extra proofreading either by yourself or by someone else whose grammar you trust. Sometimes, no matter how many times one proofreads, our brain will unconsciously correct errors in our writing that others not familiar with the piece will catch later.