rate_review Reviews

This chappie was absoloutly wonderful!!!!! Thank you for the update!!!!I really want to know what akira sees in the mirror!!!! Is it maybe also some kind of vision??? I can't wait for more!!!! See you soon!!!!!

I really want to like this story and I've tried to read more of it but I just can't... it's just...

Do you read a lot of manga or comic books? Because it feels that way... in mangas and comic books the pictures tell most of the story with some dialogue following to clarify things and that's pretty much what I get from this story... a lot of spoken dialogue with some awkward description floating around... as I said before, study how writers carry out the flow of the story, you might learn something from it.

I so want to read this story, it has many things which I like but unfortunately it also has things which irritate me too much (most of them I've already pointed out).

Best of luck with your writing,

NightBird

I love it love it love it. First have to ask does that mean you won't post anymore on here because please please don't stop you have me so hooked it's almost painful. I love Akira's fear of storms it is so sweet and vulnerable of him and sometimes he doesn't seem so vulnerable even though he really is. It hurts to think of how much pain that boy has been through. Got a little upset with Dawn though when she wouldn't let him eat a bagel I mean like that would ruin his appetite besides she keeps harping on him to gain weight but still love her she so reminds me of my grandmother it's uncanny. I really love how Zev is with Akira it is so mushy it's adorable and I usually hate mushy. A gold star to you for that one. I waited it felt like forever for this new chapter I was so scared you were going to abandon it like I've seen other writers do I really hate that it's so cruel to the readers but you didn't and a whole box of gold stars for that thank you thank you. I can't wait for the next one will be waiting with baited breath. I also can't wait for Akira to finally tell Zev how he feels and that he loves him to that should be an awesome chapter along with when they find out about the pregnancy. I don't get one thing though why is Akira in such pain I mean pregnancy doesn't usually cause sharp pains can't wait till you tell us about that part too. Always remember I will not give up this story when I'm hooked I'm hooked. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you for upload

I'm afraid I don't give reviews very often but I feel compelled to in this case, because honestly? I feel like I'm reading an essay, not a story... you need to learn how to incorporate description of things, such as the characters, *into* the story, instead of saying Name; height, hair- and eye colour, hobbies etc... as I said, it's like reading an essay.

Take out some of your favorite books (and I do not include internet fiction) and see if *any* of them use that method of describtion, because I can tell you right now that no editor worth their dime would ever pass that kind of writing.

I don't want to be mean but if you're serious about your writing then I think it's best to nip that little problem as soon as possible. Try practicing how to show your characters to the reader, not necessarily every little detail about their looks but more about their character and yes, overall looks. I don't need to know their exact height, just say that one character is annoyed about always having to look up to the other or whatever, just *don't* do what you did in that first chapter, giving out exact description of every (major) character as you would do in an essay.

I know you want us (the readers) to visualize your beloved characters correctly but you have to think about the flow of the story... besides, leaving out some information can work to your advantage later on in the story, for example by letting the shorter one become obsessed with finding the taller one's exact height (bad example but you get the gist of it). That way the readers get curious about that as well. And sometimes it's more fun to discover things gradually as you come to care about the character more and more.

You also need to work on your punctuation. You really do. Punctuation in the wrong places or the lack of it can be really distracting and even change the meaning of a sentence. (Mistakes between 'your' and you're' are *really common, not only in your writing). When you've finished a chapter (or whenever you stop writing), go away for at least 15 minutes (preferably more) and then read carefully over it. Repeat. Not only will you find more grammar mistakes but you might also see ways to present things in a better or a different way.

It might seem irritating and a waste of time but if you want to grow as a writer then I think you should try to form some better habits.

Cheers,

Nightbird

God I love this story first thank you thank you I love Akira and Zev the are so cute it's beyond awesome and the fact that Akira is pregnant so cool I love his reaction to Doctors make sense with everything he has been through. And how Zev takes care of him and vice versa Akira seems to be the type to take care of everyone but himself and he needs a mate who realizes that and takes care of him first and formost so cool. The last chapter was interesting and I can't wait for more I re-read it again and loved it even more the second time around and it just makes me more and more anxious to see what comes out of your fertile and wonderful imagination I also can't wait till the boys and everyone else finds out about Akira's pregnancy and how they handle all that goes with it the mood swings and cravings wonder what he'll crave be funny if it was vegitables when my mom was pregnant she craved lemons and ate them like oranges use to make my father cringe from what I've been told. Also since twins run in the family that would be interesting too especially if one was a wolf and the other had wings wow that would be interesting. Or maybe one who looked human but could shapeshift into a werewolf and also had wings wow what a kid to try and keep in control and out of trouble whew. Anyway thanks again love love love the story if you could maybe let me know when you update that would be so cool too my address is above but just in case it's brzachman@yahoo.com but if it's to much trouble then no worries I just really want to make sure I read all the rest of the story. Thank you Thank you you are awesome

Great story! I'll admit that I've lost track of who everyone is but love the Akira/Zev relationship and should be interesting to see what Akira does when he finds out why he's been sick. Thanks for the updates!

That was absoloutly wonderfull!!!! I really hope Akira is giong amok so the see the necessarity of his cigs!!!! I must that that this chappie got me more and more confiused!!!! I'm now at the point where I really don't what is going on!!!! I hope I will understand with the next chappie!!!!! See you next time!!!!

I missed so many chapters. What is it with Akira? Is he pregnant?

These two chappies were great!!! I'm really happy you decided to continue Pure life before desert world!!!!! I'm so happy Zev rescued him!!!!! And now we know why he is afraid of storms!!!! And with his need to kill I think we can be happy that he is half white wing cause otherwise he probably would already have snapped!!!!! And with his nausea I kind of have the idea that perhapy Zev will get pups in the near future!!!! Of cause it is always possible that I'm wrong I also could have to do with his killing need but I don't think so!!!!! Well we probably will know soon!!!!! See you tonight!!!!