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October 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I'm glad I found this story. I hope you get it published, it was quite entertaining. Also the beginning could use some work because in my personal opinion it felt doubtful and like a bumpy road, afterwards it smoothed out and the characters then were easy to keep up with. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the start was a lot to take in.
You've established a great setting, solid characters and a good plot.
The ending is alright due to the fact that the unanswered sub-plots leave space for other books you might want to continue. However if you absolutely have to, you should cut out scenes like with the shival/horses that led to a scene with one of the Professors, that didn't actually happen. (At the same time it's a bad idea because you might want to bring that up later in a series as part of some plot if indeed there was SOMETHING with it.)
As a novel by itself it does stand on its own. One person won't be able to know what was REALLY going on behind their back, and what the reader doesn't know won't hurt them. Best of luck to you and this novel.
~Jinx
You've established a great setting, solid characters and a good plot.
The ending is alright due to the fact that the unanswered sub-plots leave space for other books you might want to continue. However if you absolutely have to, you should cut out scenes like with the shival/horses that led to a scene with one of the Professors, that didn't actually happen. (At the same time it's a bad idea because you might want to bring that up later in a series as part of some plot if indeed there was SOMETHING with it.)
As a novel by itself it does stand on its own. One person won't be able to know what was REALLY going on behind their back, and what the reader doesn't know won't hurt them. Best of luck to you and this novel.
~Jinx
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August 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
was lovely, though i only wandered upon it yesturday ^^ i enjoyed it very much
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August 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
wow is pretty much all i can say. I loved your story i could not pull myself away even for a minute. And for awhile i was worried about how it was all going to play out but i loved what you did with the ending and how everyone got a happy ending. Great job!!
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May 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh my gosh! That was one of the absolute best stories I have read in a good long mintue. It had original characters, an origianl plot, original everything. Gosh, this is going in my forever keep pile. This was seriously good and well written (minus a few misspelled or missing words). I thank you so much for writing this. I really hope you will keep us updated for the maybe sequel. *waving face* I'm just so happy. *laughing*
Thanks again for writing such a great story!
Thanks again for writing such a great story!
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March 27, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I was wondering if for the sequal, would you shift POVs every few chapters. Jak's is great, but I am dying to see what goes on in Akitra or Maika's head. As when as our lovely blonde shark:)
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March 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!11 Charias wants Izeri? ugh! I was hoping it was someone hotter, and with more to him and his body.
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March 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
hallo,greets from germany,
first point: sorry for my shitty english...:)
i really liked your story,i found it yesterday and couldn`t stop reading it and i hope you get it puplished, because you relly deserves it!!!
i was a little bit disappointed that charias was not one of the main characters,i`d love to read more about the shark and that cute fey,swimming for the first time and other stuff...ähm.and there are a few things that i don`t understand,like the vampirehorse, the missing of moonsinger,these papers that the professer wanted to give to jak.
it was great how you solved the problems in the relationship between jak,akirat and maika(sorry if i messed up the names),because i was hoping for exactly these end, a threesome...:)
i really hope you write a sequel,
alles liebe yammy
first point: sorry for my shitty english...:)
i really liked your story,i found it yesterday and couldn`t stop reading it and i hope you get it puplished, because you relly deserves it!!!
i was a little bit disappointed that charias was not one of the main characters,i`d love to read more about the shark and that cute fey,swimming for the first time and other stuff...ähm.and there are a few things that i don`t understand,like the vampirehorse, the missing of moonsinger,these papers that the professer wanted to give to jak.
it was great how you solved the problems in the relationship between jak,akirat and maika(sorry if i messed up the names),because i was hoping for exactly these end, a threesome...:)
i really hope you write a sequel,
alles liebe yammy
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March 16, 2009 at 12:00 AM
hate to see it end. yeah, i like the way you ended it. i like both fairies. take care of yourself and keep writing!!!
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March 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I absolutely LOVED this story!!! Amazingly orginal, great plot, awesome follow through. I'm wishing for...a SEQUEL!!
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March 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Katica
I have been reading Broken Wings since about day one, and have LOVED it. I first before answering your questions want to say, I am in awe on the speed you wrote this story and how well it was put together. I hope you see a great future in writing if that is the path you wish to take.
I do fill like I should give you my two cents, because one you asked, two as a fan of the story I want to see the best come out of it.
“So, if you can remember any scenes that seemed extraneous or boring or redundant, please let me know.” – I thought that you could have cleaned up the “tea” part of the story, I know that we learn a lot at that time, but I fill there is a bunch of dead space in this area.
“Is the ending okay? Is it a satisfying and reasonable conclusion to this story?” - I am happy about the ending, feels alittle rushed but I fill all endings are in stories I get rapped up in. BUT I don’t feel it as a conclusion; I feel we have much, much more to all the six main people in the story. I want to know more on Jak, Maika, and Akitra. There decision can have so many problems and then Jak’s “helping” nature can get him in trouble. I feel we haven’t seen the last of our Fire Mage either. Plus Izeri and Charias have much more to tell.
“Is it okay that some sub-plots didn't get fully resolved? There are a lot of things going on behind the scenes that Jak isn't aware of, that I hinted at or mentioned--just like real life, one person can't see the whole picture. I plan to write at least one sequel, but as a stand-alone novel, does it work, or are there too many loose ends?” – Well two subplots that I feel involve Jak that was not taken care of was the creepy teacher that kept on trying to get him alone. Another is the demon horse that Jak and Akitra nearing lost their lives from. I think that the missing wares that we heard about might be more in Izeri and Charias story. – And yes we all have a story to tell.
Anyway here are my thoughs cant wait to read more from you. Once again hope all goes well with you and your story.
Emeraldawn
I have been reading Broken Wings since about day one, and have LOVED it. I first before answering your questions want to say, I am in awe on the speed you wrote this story and how well it was put together. I hope you see a great future in writing if that is the path you wish to take.
I do fill like I should give you my two cents, because one you asked, two as a fan of the story I want to see the best come out of it.
“So, if you can remember any scenes that seemed extraneous or boring or redundant, please let me know.” – I thought that you could have cleaned up the “tea” part of the story, I know that we learn a lot at that time, but I fill there is a bunch of dead space in this area.
“Is the ending okay? Is it a satisfying and reasonable conclusion to this story?” - I am happy about the ending, feels alittle rushed but I fill all endings are in stories I get rapped up in. BUT I don’t feel it as a conclusion; I feel we have much, much more to all the six main people in the story. I want to know more on Jak, Maika, and Akitra. There decision can have so many problems and then Jak’s “helping” nature can get him in trouble. I feel we haven’t seen the last of our Fire Mage either. Plus Izeri and Charias have much more to tell.
“Is it okay that some sub-plots didn't get fully resolved? There are a lot of things going on behind the scenes that Jak isn't aware of, that I hinted at or mentioned--just like real life, one person can't see the whole picture. I plan to write at least one sequel, but as a stand-alone novel, does it work, or are there too many loose ends?” – Well two subplots that I feel involve Jak that was not taken care of was the creepy teacher that kept on trying to get him alone. Another is the demon horse that Jak and Akitra nearing lost their lives from. I think that the missing wares that we heard about might be more in Izeri and Charias story. – And yes we all have a story to tell.
Anyway here are my thoughs cant wait to read more from you. Once again hope all goes well with you and your story.
Emeraldawn