schedule
March 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
CHAPTER 79
Awesome story. I've read all 79 chapters and plan on rereading in the future. This staff is gold and definitely should be published.
Some concrit
Chapter 53:
There could be more angst/emotion here. I've been waiting to find out about Maika's wings for a long time, so this is a high point in the story. I still don't know how exactly 'the people' had burnt the wings off. Did they use a hot iron rod of sorts? Because I get a feeling that Maika's sisters are dead, although can't be 100% sure. I almost want to see this through Maika's eyes, even if he can't tell those details to Jak. Like a flashback. On another hand, were 'the people of his province' all faeries - or a mixed bunch? I don't know much about faerie culture at this point, but if Maika was hurt in that way by faeries, this would make him hate and distrust all faeries - Akitra included - even though he is one himself. The fact that Jak is not a faerie may be the reason why Maika feels safe in his arms. Jak's reaction to Maika's story was a bit too mild. He is level-headed most of the time, but in the moments like this I'd expect him to loose it.
Also:
Maika's lizard - doesn't do anything, really. Could be a pet rock.
Zaiden - very well written in the beginning, but fizzles out as soon as we discovered that he is the bad guy. He looses his debph somehow towards the end of the book and basically disappears.
Charias/Izeri - yep, I was thinking of Charias as a potential love interest for Jak too. I agree with wizli on that :) Charias is a very interesting character, but he was overdone; Izeri was underdone. This couple would make an awesome book of their own, if this is what you planned for them.
Akitra - So well done, I went from hating him to liking him. The fact that he was blackmailed by Zaiden, willing to do anything for love, and the inner conflict when he started falling for Jak. Adding gifts and limitations based on his faerie type - Akitra is the star character. He is the most interesting in this book, more even than Jak.
Akitra not knowing that Maika was a soldias sidhe - not plausible. How could he not know? He had to know. Maika's family was important, what happened to the children of that family was a huge crime by the faerie standard. Everyone would know if a soldias sidhe child had lost his wings. Akitra had access to computers as well, he could of googled it, lol. I think it's enough proof of his love that Akitra loved a wingless, cripple faerie. Him knowing the type of faerie Maika used to be wouldn't take from that proof.
Jak - Like him a lot. He is a genuine good guy and is a compelling character. Although, sometimes he is too good. He forgives too easily and speaks in complete sentences most of the time. It feels like the angsty events around him don't live much impression. Like, when he came back from the hospital after healing Maika. He was just talking normally and doing his school work. Didn't feel awkward or anything. Like Jak is mildly detached from life events or something. It actually works and makes him interesting, but there should be some reference to why that is. I feel that this could be because Jak is a born healer, also he may have beeen doing some magical meditation becoming 'one with the Earth', or something similar :) Or this is a distinct mage's trait.
Disappearing students, Moonsinger, weird professors and shivals - Looks like enough staff for one more book. I suppose that that staff could be shortened in this one.
The ending - Very well done. I hoped for a faerie sandwich with Jak in the middle and my expectations were exceeded, lol. Very hot and sweet. The greatest thing about this is that it was not all about sex, more like creating a powerful alliance between a mage and two faeries. Good staff.
Epiloque - Yep, adding the epilogue would be nice. I concur with that request. Would be nice to find out if they'd made it long term.
Overall, I love this story big time. I would like to compliment you on sticking with the writing schedule, an update on all odd dates :) There were updates on Dec 31 and Jan 01 even. Thank you.
Awesome story. I've read all 79 chapters and plan on rereading in the future. This staff is gold and definitely should be published.
Some concrit
Chapter 53:
There could be more angst/emotion here. I've been waiting to find out about Maika's wings for a long time, so this is a high point in the story. I still don't know how exactly 'the people' had burnt the wings off. Did they use a hot iron rod of sorts? Because I get a feeling that Maika's sisters are dead, although can't be 100% sure. I almost want to see this through Maika's eyes, even if he can't tell those details to Jak. Like a flashback. On another hand, were 'the people of his province' all faeries - or a mixed bunch? I don't know much about faerie culture at this point, but if Maika was hurt in that way by faeries, this would make him hate and distrust all faeries - Akitra included - even though he is one himself. The fact that Jak is not a faerie may be the reason why Maika feels safe in his arms. Jak's reaction to Maika's story was a bit too mild. He is level-headed most of the time, but in the moments like this I'd expect him to loose it.
Also:
Maika's lizard - doesn't do anything, really. Could be a pet rock.
Zaiden - very well written in the beginning, but fizzles out as soon as we discovered that he is the bad guy. He looses his debph somehow towards the end of the book and basically disappears.
Charias/Izeri - yep, I was thinking of Charias as a potential love interest for Jak too. I agree with wizli on that :) Charias is a very interesting character, but he was overdone; Izeri was underdone. This couple would make an awesome book of their own, if this is what you planned for them.
Akitra - So well done, I went from hating him to liking him. The fact that he was blackmailed by Zaiden, willing to do anything for love, and the inner conflict when he started falling for Jak. Adding gifts and limitations based on his faerie type - Akitra is the star character. He is the most interesting in this book, more even than Jak.
Akitra not knowing that Maika was a soldias sidhe - not plausible. How could he not know? He had to know. Maika's family was important, what happened to the children of that family was a huge crime by the faerie standard. Everyone would know if a soldias sidhe child had lost his wings. Akitra had access to computers as well, he could of googled it, lol. I think it's enough proof of his love that Akitra loved a wingless, cripple faerie. Him knowing the type of faerie Maika used to be wouldn't take from that proof.
Jak - Like him a lot. He is a genuine good guy and is a compelling character. Although, sometimes he is too good. He forgives too easily and speaks in complete sentences most of the time. It feels like the angsty events around him don't live much impression. Like, when he came back from the hospital after healing Maika. He was just talking normally and doing his school work. Didn't feel awkward or anything. Like Jak is mildly detached from life events or something. It actually works and makes him interesting, but there should be some reference to why that is. I feel that this could be because Jak is a born healer, also he may have beeen doing some magical meditation becoming 'one with the Earth', or something similar :) Or this is a distinct mage's trait.
Disappearing students, Moonsinger, weird professors and shivals - Looks like enough staff for one more book. I suppose that that staff could be shortened in this one.
The ending - Very well done. I hoped for a faerie sandwich with Jak in the middle and my expectations were exceeded, lol. Very hot and sweet. The greatest thing about this is that it was not all about sex, more like creating a powerful alliance between a mage and two faeries. Good staff.
Epiloque - Yep, adding the epilogue would be nice. I concur with that request. Would be nice to find out if they'd made it long term.
Overall, I love this story big time. I would like to compliment you on sticking with the writing schedule, an update on all odd dates :) There were updates on Dec 31 and Jan 01 even. Thank you.
schedule
March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh, dear god. ;_____; Just when I thought my heart couldn't ache more for those three. TT_________TT I wanna hug 'em all. Can I? I'll hug 'em one at a time, even! *pleads*
schedule
March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Aww! That's beautiful. I see a happy sparkle in the horizon. Catch it Jak, catch it! You can do it! Heck, you better do it or I'll have to come over there and slapp you. Jees.
schedule
March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I loved it! I'm sad that there's just a few chapters left. But at the same time happy because I wanted to know how this ends:)
schedule
March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh Maika, isn't there a way for all three to be together? :)
schedule
March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
If I wasn't feeling so ill (stomach bug) I'd give you a longer review because its great. But seeing as I am, you'll have to make do with this. Brilliant. YOu are a true genius.
Hugs Aduial
Hugs Aduial
schedule
March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Aww, poor Maika. But at the same time - Hooray for Jak and Akitra! :P That's sweet in a twisted sort of way. Plus Charais and Izeri are too cute for words. Thanks for writing this. I've really enjoyed it.
schedule
March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This chapter was kinda short, but knowing the end is near is a type of wonderful torture. i dont want it to end but i want to know how it will end. Argh the paradox. cant you just have it go on forever? please?
schedule
March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
i feel so sad yet so happy.
Man i feel crappy for both maika and akrita.
Man i feel crappy for both maika and akrita.
schedule
March 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Only a couple or so chapters left? O////O And at the rate things are going, my threesome dreams...
Dangit! I'm getting my hopes up again! BAD Kuro! DX *dunks head in cold water* *cough, sputter* Ahem~ good work, as always. ^//__//^
Dangit! I'm getting my hopes up again! BAD Kuro! DX *dunks head in cold water* *cough, sputter* Ahem~ good work, as always. ^//__//^