rate_review Reviews

I can't start my review without offering you the standing ovation you deserve. This story was trully amazing, my personal favorite of all your works (including the LJ ones). It's been a really long time since I felt the proberbial warm and fuzzy feelings after a happy ending, I swear to you there was like a warm glow of happiness in my chest that made me laugh out loud at seeing the old cliche coming true xDDD. Hehe, it was like ten thousands times stronger like the tepid feeling I got with the Harry Potter's saga ending! (maybe it was the hot loving threeway sex between my absolutely favorite characters, the best king of ending I could have wished for ^-^).

After sending to you all of my love and gratitute for sharing this great story (I've had the greatest time reading it!), let's start with my comments about the plot and the things I think could be reworked for publishing:

- The plot twists and misteries work really well, I couldn't tell what was going to happen next!. Akitra and Zaiden are great antagonist, and Akitra is definitely the best of the story. Jak's change of heart about Maika and a whole lot of the things that happen to Jak, both at the begginig and the end, are perfectly explained once we learn about Zaiden's nefarious plot and Akitra's part in it. Jak is a wonderful main character, he's not perfect nor all powerful but nobody wants him to be. He's a horny guy xDD with a normal hability to do healing magic that happens to be have a good head and a specially good heart. I loved his development during the story and the happy ending was perfect for him!.
- Everything about Jak's love triangle with Akitra and Maika works well, don't you dare to change anything! (please! xDD).
- Charias is a great character, I know a lot of people love him (I do!) but the way he's introduced makes you think of him as a potential love interest for Jak and downplays Izeri's importance. We don't need to know so much about him, just enough for Jak to understand where he's coming from and not freak out 'too' much when he pairs with Izeri.
- I never understood when and why Izeri became Jak's BFF. He's like his only friend (who he doesn't fuck xDD) but I didn't get why Jak thought of him as a little brother and all that. Maybe Jak has problems with incest and that was a defensive mechanism to not lust about his best friend... xDD They need to share a class, have a project together or a hobby in common, not just met for lunch or introduce the other characters. He starts strong and interesting but soon becames too wimpy and frail, I don't get why Jak is so attached to him.
- The pace of the story is too slow at the beggining (nothing like the fast and thrilling flow it has near the ending), there's a lot about Jak's classes and professors that really don't matter in the end like the human/vampire and professor Dark. There's a lot to learn about your fantasy verse but that's why we'll be motivated to buy all your books!.
- The mention of Jak's parents visit during his comma isn't needed. Just a mention about how they were informed and were really worried about their son, and would travel if Jak didn't get better soon. It was weird how they didn't get screen time while they visited the Academy.
- All the scenes related to the party need rework, I know you can make the plot flow smoother and make things have more sense even when following Jak's POV, Jak being confused and scared.
- Security in the Academy and its surroundings seems to be too lax for a place so important and full of powerful beings. Everyone come and go as they please and the misterious fog, if creepy, isn't enough to explain how there could be dangerous beasts lurking in the woods. What happened with them, anyway?.

I'm planning on re-reading the story now that I know how it ends ^-^ so if I think of something else, specially little details, I'll be sure to write to you about it.

Good luck with your publishing, and thanks again for sharing this book!

wiz

Please add an epilogue to try to tie up all the loose ends in the story.

Ending was very good. I would love to read epilogue to know what will happen
few years later.

...and ZAIDEN?

I have followed your story since you began writing and I have to say that it is one of the best ones I have read on here. Your updates were regular, which kept me inquiring about the story's progress and the characters themselves. It was a clear story with great subplots and I was able to follow each and every one of them.
The ending (since that is what you asked about) was really good, up until the end. I felt that last few sentences were a little rushed to tie up the story and make a happy ending. I would have liked to know what happened(s) to Charias and Izeri, if you were telling how each character might end up.
All in all brilliant story! I applaud you for finishing this wonderful story and sharing it with the readers here on AFF.
(Sorry if I mispelled the characters names.)
Thank you again for writing and sharing your work. I can't wait to read future works from you!

First of all the story is great. The ending is really good. As for the subplots I would really like to read the missing pieces about Izeri and Charias. Good luck with the publishing.

thank you it was a pleasure to read and I liked the ending it tied everything together. I

*gasp*HE FUCKING SURRENDERS!!
I LOVE THIS STORY!
At first I was so mad because
I thought the other chapter was
the ending.

i think the ending is ok
but if you were to flash forward to graduation or say 5 yrs and do a progress report kinda i think that would be really kool and jak could have huge wings tattoo on his back with both of their colors that would be kick ass
get to see lk a day in their life or something so we know how they live together and all
this has been a amazing read and i will miss all of ur updates that gave me something great to read everyday almost
i hope that you are always inspired because your writing truly inspires me.

Is that the ending??
Threesome with two hot faries.
Fucking Jak is a lucky bastard.
Anyway, this chapter was off the hook!
I love it... especially the "scenes"