schedule
September 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Interesting start :)
schedule
September 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this! I'm excited to see it develop. (*smacks the person who gave you a one star rating*). I love the first chapter and how vividly it captures that one moment that's so special to the character.
As for the use of the dashes... I like it in the beginning, because the words are not so much dialog as part of the landscape; I think it works even at the beginning of the second chapter, when Jim is talking to random customers. But it feels a little awkward when he starts talking to the love interest. A bit... distancing? Maybe at that point you could switch to traditional quotations, and in a way that could underscore that this particular interaction is a lot more real and immediate than most of the ones Jim usually has.
Either way, I enjoyed it and am looking forward to reading more!
As for the use of the dashes... I like it in the beginning, because the words are not so much dialog as part of the landscape; I think it works even at the beginning of the second chapter, when Jim is talking to random customers. But it feels a little awkward when he starts talking to the love interest. A bit... distancing? Maybe at that point you could switch to traditional quotations, and in a way that could underscore that this particular interaction is a lot more real and immediate than most of the ones Jim usually has.
Either way, I enjoyed it and am looking forward to reading more!