schedule
August 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
The story setting is really interesting. Good work.
The only tiny-bitty bit of problem is the way you put the information inside the story. It feels like you have a couple introduction paragraphs instead of the story line. If the wording ca be a little more like character's narrative instead of author's introduction, the story would feel much more connected.
Other than that, the story's foundation is very concrete. I'll look forward to next chapters.
The only tiny-bitty bit of problem is the way you put the information inside the story. It feels like you have a couple introduction paragraphs instead of the story line. If the wording ca be a little more like character's narrative instead of author's introduction, the story would feel much more connected.
Other than that, the story's foundation is very concrete. I'll look forward to next chapters.
schedule
August 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I find the world interesting. I liked your explanations of dominant and submissive. I look forward to Lex "teaching" his dominant not to take him for granted and hopefully earning independence for the submissives sothe sub gets to choose not the dominant. Look forward to more.
schedule
August 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
sounds good would like to see more
schedule
August 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is an interesting premise and I am liking it. Though it sounds like a tragedy already.
schedule
August 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Very interesting so far, can't wait to read more!
Thank you for sharing your story. ^_^
Thank you for sharing your story. ^_^