rate_review Reviews

wow looks super interesting so far. I'm really excited to read more, can't wait.
Keep up the good work.

I really like this story. Thanks for the background info on dragons. I look forward to the next update.

I'm going to assume that lucien is going to pick out lex, or that's the way that it seems right now.

You're off to a really great start! This is very interesting, and I can't wait to read more. Please continue, you're doing a great job! I'm looking forward to your next update. Take care. 8D

thats a good start to this story and looking forward to the rest, plus i really like lex (:

Hi! Oh I REALLY liked this one! First chapters of original stories are usually a bit rough, because there is so much to learn about the new world (if it's fantasy, that is...) as well as the characters... but I think you did a good job with that and the storyline itself seems very nice (I'm such a sucker for slave/master stuff....) I also like the length of the chapters, because longer chapters gives you more time to get into the story... so please keep it up and update again soon!

This story has a lot of promise. I love the premise, and that Lex is not an ordinary submissive. I love it when traditionally "bottom" characters have a bit of bite to them. I was also shamelessly entertained by the idea of pets on display in glass boxes. :-) I will add on to the list of people who mentioned the info dump, however. I try to follow the "show, don't tell" rule of storytelling. Sometimes it is necessary to flat out tell a reader the way things are, but most of the time you can just incorporate it into characterization. For instance, we already saw that Angel is very shy and almost helpless (like most submissives) and that Lex is quite a spitfire. You could have some dominant characters remarking on his unusual spirit, which would a) show that submissives are usually shy and timid, b) show that Lex is quite different from them and c) give you a chance to depict a typical dominant.

One more nit-picky thing. Calling him Lex when his name is Lexis seems a bit strange to me. Lex is usually short for Alexander, a longer name that lends itself to nicknames. Lexis is a very short name. Why not just make his name Lex, which can stand on its own perfectly well as a name (maybe from the latin "lex" instead of Alexander)? Or if his name is Lexis, just call him Lexis.

I realize this review has been very critical, and I hope I haven't offended you. I would only go through this trouble if I thought the story was really good already, and as I said before this was a very strong first chapter. Obviously you're not obligated to take my advice at all. :-) I hope to see an update soon!

you gave a lot of background information so that's helpful. should be an interesting read.

hey, really interested in the world you've created :) I can't wait to learn more about Lex and Angel's relationship (it feels like Angel, even though they are twins, is much less capable of taking care of himself? and relies on Lex) and also which dominants they get mated to, if they are mated, and how their reactions will be and what that entails ^^

Ha, I will read this story not untill there are more than 1 chapters but I'm sure it's good, the summary sounds really interesting! Can't wait for more xDD