schedule
August 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is certainly dramatic. Wondering where you're headed with the plot.
KD
KD
schedule
August 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Nice work on the details i can so picture the stuff in my head draws u into 2 story lol. I think the 1st page had a bit 2 much repeating in it all the he was frighten he is scared junk i mean really, creepy looking dude throwing glass pig wings at u i think i may have been scared 2 lol we get it he was scared/frightened blah. All around though pretty good story your descriptions r really good I'll read more as u get pages up =P
schedule
August 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Very good story. Superb writing, and intense theme. Keeps me wanting more, wondering what is going to happen next. Awesome job, luv. Can't wait to read the rest!!!!
schedule
August 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
The unanchored POV made it a little hard to follow, but once I kind of got used to it, reading became easier.
Interesting and busy start, picking up in the middle of a fight.
Congrats on posting your first.
KD
Interesting and busy start, picking up in the middle of a fight.
Congrats on posting your first.
KD
schedule
August 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
My dear, my dear, my dear! How far have we come?
The symbolism is absolutely beautiful, far from the usual broken objects but nothing new. So many times have I seen broken wings! I will, however, credit you for the pig idea. The symbolism is certainly an improvement.
Well; at times it got a bit choppy, but then again, that's nothing a good going-over couldn't fix. I suggest you don't jump to putting your story up, wait a few days and go over it every day. After writing for a few hours and looking it over once you're always sure you're good, and even if you're not, you're usually just itching to get it up.
Hold your horses, baby.
Well, for the most part it was very good. The names were somewhat droll, (trend names? Why not something unique? Kuro, Kuro, Kuro...) but they're names and your spawns aren't going to legally change their names unless you really want them to.
And just for the record, babe, I know where those names are from. >;3 I know you know that I know, too.
~ Fucking ZEALOT DARLING.
The symbolism is absolutely beautiful, far from the usual broken objects but nothing new. So many times have I seen broken wings! I will, however, credit you for the pig idea. The symbolism is certainly an improvement.
Well; at times it got a bit choppy, but then again, that's nothing a good going-over couldn't fix. I suggest you don't jump to putting your story up, wait a few days and go over it every day. After writing for a few hours and looking it over once you're always sure you're good, and even if you're not, you're usually just itching to get it up.
Hold your horses, baby.
Well, for the most part it was very good. The names were somewhat droll, (trend names? Why not something unique? Kuro, Kuro, Kuro...) but they're names and your spawns aren't going to legally change their names unless you really want them to.
And just for the record, babe, I know where those names are from. >;3 I know you know that I know, too.
~ Fucking ZEALOT DARLING.