rate_review Reviews

WOW THIS WAS SO GOOD
wish you continued

es tan romantico, una hermosa escritura, una descrpcion perfecta de los personajes, es realmente interesante y aluinante esta historia, espero con ansiedad que actualices muy pronto, ana maria

Not much advice for now, but I'd really like to see your next chapter. Post soon please. :)

I was just wondering if you're planning to continue this, I really enjoyed reading what you've got so far and look forward to more when you have the chance. :)

The comic relief when Jesse walked in was wonderfully done without detracting too much from the action if you don't count the fact that I was in stitches. If there's anything I'd like to see it's just a little more exploration of the relationships, particularly Travis and Cara's. In my experience a true emotional bond between the characters makes any sex scene a bit hotter. I guess I'm a romantic at heart. :)

Hey Sarg,

I haven't read the latest chapter yet, but I did see your little preface and boy do I have a suggestion for you! If you have a significant other in your life or just a male that you trust a lot, go ahead and ask him how it feels to make love. As I said before, I just finished my first novel and I was stuck on how to write sex from my male characters point of view. I asked my husband to describe the physical feelings as well as the emotional feelings from his perspective and it worked out great. I'll post a small part of the sex scene from my online story Summer Heat to give you an example. The scene is probably dirtier than you had in mind, but it will give you an idea. I have written more romantic stuff, but don't want to post it in such a public forum. It's not published on the page yet so if anyone else is reading this, they'll have to wait for the rest. I would also be willing to show you some stuff from said novel, but only by e-mail as I don't want everyone to read it. I'm going to start shopping it around in November...

Hope this helps; Keep on writing :)

I Lay her down on the bed and get on top of her. I kiss her deeply and feel her respond immediately. She rubs her small hands up and down my back, squeezing my ass in the process. I want her so bad, I can’t hold back any more. I thrust my hips forward and she’s so wet that I slip in without much resistance. Her vagina clamps down on me like a vice as she cries out.

“Did that hurt?” I ask.

“Not that much actually.” She smiles up at me.

“Good.” I whisper as I slide out and slam into her harder this time. She arches her back and lifts her pelvis to meet mine.

“MMMMMMM!” She cries out.

In the back of my mind I hope that Mom and Dad haven’t come home yet, but I’m too caught up in Angie’s beautiful pussy to really care. As I begin to pound her with increased speed her muscles tighten and she arches her back again. It’s almost like she’s milking my cock from the inside with her tight little pussy. I can feel the orgasm starting in my lower abdomen. I grunt and cry out as I grab her hips and ram into her all the way to the hilt. She’s almost screaming now. My cock twitches and I hold her still as gush after gush of steaming hot cum spurts into her.

Hey,

I've been following this story for quite some time and I have to say, the ideas and emotions that you put into your work are great. I can't wait to see what Jesse and Travis will be up to next. Couple of things that I'd like to note though.
1-This is totally a personal preference, but I think the story has more than enough build up, someone should be doing something dirty to someone at this point. The shower scene with Cara and Travis was so hot, I want more!
2-The execution is not perfect, but I think if you read it over you'll be more than able to add, subtract and get it just right. Most of us don't have all day to sit around and write (as much as we'd like to) so it's understandable that it won't be perfect the first time round.

Looking forward to the next chapter :)

-Nodoka

loving all this drama ... keep updating pleaseeeeeeee

I've got a problem in understanding exactly what "dick sucking lips" are. Does it mean pouty? Thin? You should probably use one of those words instead.

The fight also seemed more like a blow-by-blow sort of account. Advice that was given to me about this sort of thing by an author I know rather well was "always think:What is he thinking and what is he feeling?" Also she suggests looking up "How to write a fight scene" on google, as a great fight scene is one of the most challenging things for most people to write. That's not saying your scene isn't good though, just that maybe mixing a few thoughts in with the action could spice it up a bit.

I look forward to the next installment. :)

I like your latest addition. I feel a little bad for both Travis AND Cara after that last bit though. I wonder what's going to happen next. Don't keep us waiting too long please. :)