schedule
August 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
... nonsensical... was good til now... rapist deserves a most excruciating death... but no... wuvvy wuvvy luv...
schedule
August 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I have to say that I *love* this chapter. I think it's a huge jump in quality from the first few chapters; your grammar is very good, very few mistakes, and the length was just about perfect too. There were one or two small errors, such as not starting paragraphs of speech with speech marks, but nothing major. I was also thrilled by the length! It was longer than usual, which meant more to read, but not so long as to drag on or be redundant, it was perfect as I was able to get really involved in the chapter and it went through a good literary arc, rising to a climax, but falling into a denouement. The technical side of it was good, and a vast improvement :)
Going from technical to emotional . . . I loved, loved, loved the characterisation and plot advancement in this chapter. It felt like you had taken it from - what *may* have become repetitive and - a very casual romance, into something with a potential for a serious novel or something with lots of depth. The story of the Katsul was fascinating, rather ambiguous whilst explaining what needed to be explained, so whilst it was sometimes hard to follow I found it a fascinating insight into the race, and the mild difficulty in following the story I think added to the sense of mystery and 'otherness', so the story reflects the nature of the Katsul themselves. The back-story reminded me a little of "The Last Pure Human", but it has a unique spin upon it, being that you inserted the idea of travel between planes and the desire for the race's self-improvement. Finally we see why Balin acts as he does and where he comes from, and his race is revealed :)
I loved the depth of Balin too. I am conflicted . . . one part of me wants to argue for a 'deus ex machina' in the form of how you explained his change in personality, whilst the other half of me sees it as a very clever, pre-meditated plot point that enhances the depth of the story, whilst paralleling the back-story itself. Either way I loved how he matured and grew, and I *really* can't wait to see him interact verbally with the boy to see his personality shine through and see what he is like as a character and person. The boy I wasn't *too* sure on, but - considering he was drugged - I think his initial reaction makes sense XD I can't wait to see what he's like down off his high though . . . speaking of which, isn't such a drug that disables fear highly dangerous in the wrong hands? *shudders*
Really can't wait to see more! :)
Going from technical to emotional . . . I loved, loved, loved the characterisation and plot advancement in this chapter. It felt like you had taken it from - what *may* have become repetitive and - a very casual romance, into something with a potential for a serious novel or something with lots of depth. The story of the Katsul was fascinating, rather ambiguous whilst explaining what needed to be explained, so whilst it was sometimes hard to follow I found it a fascinating insight into the race, and the mild difficulty in following the story I think added to the sense of mystery and 'otherness', so the story reflects the nature of the Katsul themselves. The back-story reminded me a little of "The Last Pure Human", but it has a unique spin upon it, being that you inserted the idea of travel between planes and the desire for the race's self-improvement. Finally we see why Balin acts as he does and where he comes from, and his race is revealed :)
I loved the depth of Balin too. I am conflicted . . . one part of me wants to argue for a 'deus ex machina' in the form of how you explained his change in personality, whilst the other half of me sees it as a very clever, pre-meditated plot point that enhances the depth of the story, whilst paralleling the back-story itself. Either way I loved how he matured and grew, and I *really* can't wait to see him interact verbally with the boy to see his personality shine through and see what he is like as a character and person. The boy I wasn't *too* sure on, but - considering he was drugged - I think his initial reaction makes sense XD I can't wait to see what he's like down off his high though . . . speaking of which, isn't such a drug that disables fear highly dangerous in the wrong hands? *shudders*
Really can't wait to see more! :)
schedule
August 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
This chapter reads sort of like... A turning point in the story. I obviously don't know how long it's going to turn out to be but it seems like we've gotten through the worst of it and I for one am glad. Brett deserves some happiness and, for the time being at least, I'm happy that he is happy with la monster.
It was cute and added more depth in general which is always a nice thing.
I did, however, find one thing a bit odd. In the second to last thing Brett says.. Where he is talking about how he will make the monster happy forever, he say is smugly. Why? Why can't he say it in an angelic fashion and stay pure to my mind forever?!
It was cute and added more depth in general which is always a nice thing.
I did, however, find one thing a bit odd. In the second to last thing Brett says.. Where he is talking about how he will make the monster happy forever, he say is smugly. Why? Why can't he say it in an angelic fashion and stay pure to my mind forever?!
schedule
August 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Wow ! Awesome chapter ! Long and hot !
The Kutsal are like angels, no ? Their story was very interesting !
Thanks for the cookie ! How do you know I have a sweet tooth ?! ;))
The Kutsal are like angels, no ? Their story was very interesting !
Thanks for the cookie ! How do you know I have a sweet tooth ?! ;))
schedule
August 22, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Great story so far ! And I like your writing !
Thanks for sharing andthe fast update... :)
Thanks for sharing andthe fast update... :)
schedule
August 22, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Haha, awesome chapter! So you need to be three monsters to have a monster-child? Or did the kitty-kat only mean two of them? Can't wait to find out more :3
And leaving us all with a cliff hanger? You evil... But then again, I'll have more to look forward to xD (But please update soon either way :o)
See ya! :3
And leaving us all with a cliff hanger? You evil... But then again, I'll have more to look forward to xD (But please update soon either way :o)
See ya! :3
schedule
August 21, 2012 at 12:00 AM
im in suspense what happens next is dragon lady the mom
schedule
August 21, 2012 at 12:00 AM
And the plot thickens! This has really grown into something a lot better then I first thought it would be. I'm so looking forward to more!
schedule
August 21, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I missed reviewing the other new chapters, but this twist is amazing - totally unexpected. I was going for the subconscious-imaginary-being-caused-by-emotional-neglect/abuse route...but not this. Something like "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" except it's a world of monsters.
Loved the Houston quip and that the monsters know different languages. So all three are mated to one another or did I misread it?
Loved the Houston quip and that the monsters know different languages. So all three are mated to one another or did I misread it?
schedule
August 21, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Ok, I'm completely confused, but it's not a bad thing. I had no idea that our monster had what you call caring relatives and Brett clearly has no one. So I can't help to be curious, so what's the deal? His ambiguous role seems to be not quite so simple, did the monster make some kind of mistake when he bit Brett that first time? I like that you are taking us to another world I'm just not sure about the intervention. Anyway, the set up is awsome and I'm hoping for some really smutty smutiness in the next chapter, the more the marryer.