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October 11, 2016 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoyed this story! Wonderful job. Xoxo Robin
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March 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM
love love the story, please write more, is grate
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February 27, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Fuck you for ruining what could have been a great story with your anti-abortion rhetoric.
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October 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Challenge! Dun-dun-dun-dun~ A foursome with some brotherly love! Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
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October 10, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I can't begin to say how much I loved these past two chapters!
Your writing style is really tightening up, the length is just right, and the grammar has dramatically improved from the first few chapters too. I think the story itself is pretty amazing at this point: it took a long while to get going, plus a little back and forth, but it seems to have really found its niche and developed quite an arc, plus now the climax seems to be approaching you can really feel the drama and suspense. I will admit that there were parts of the story I liked, others I didn't, but this particular storyline I adore. I love the complexity of the relationships, the interplaying dramas, and that you've even included a subplot with Soren and his dilemma.
My only concern is perhaps the pacing of the story. I think some parts may have continued for far longer than they should, such as the first story-arc where Balin was simply 'the monster', because there was little change or development at this point, so it felt repetitive somewhat, likewise it would have been nice is some parts were longer. I think this arc with the missing sibling, father in jail, and the 'monsters' getting used to Earth could have been much longer and you would have gotten so much character development, drama, and so forth from expanding these things . . . like Balin's reactions get a momentary mention, and Bret's dad was released so quickly that it happened as soon as we learned about it, with felt like an anti-climax of sorts.
So yeah, I am a little in two minds, but overall I think it's great and you have really, really improved as a writer. I love that this story is like a journey, both for the characters and for yourself as a writer, and it's been great as a reader to share that. I think you have so much potential and I really want to see where you go, both with this story in specific and in general with your writing. I can't wait to read more and see where you go from here :)
Your writing style is really tightening up, the length is just right, and the grammar has dramatically improved from the first few chapters too. I think the story itself is pretty amazing at this point: it took a long while to get going, plus a little back and forth, but it seems to have really found its niche and developed quite an arc, plus now the climax seems to be approaching you can really feel the drama and suspense. I will admit that there were parts of the story I liked, others I didn't, but this particular storyline I adore. I love the complexity of the relationships, the interplaying dramas, and that you've even included a subplot with Soren and his dilemma.
My only concern is perhaps the pacing of the story. I think some parts may have continued for far longer than they should, such as the first story-arc where Balin was simply 'the monster', because there was little change or development at this point, so it felt repetitive somewhat, likewise it would have been nice is some parts were longer. I think this arc with the missing sibling, father in jail, and the 'monsters' getting used to Earth could have been much longer and you would have gotten so much character development, drama, and so forth from expanding these things . . . like Balin's reactions get a momentary mention, and Bret's dad was released so quickly that it happened as soon as we learned about it, with felt like an anti-climax of sorts.
So yeah, I am a little in two minds, but overall I think it's great and you have really, really improved as a writer. I love that this story is like a journey, both for the characters and for yourself as a writer, and it's been great as a reader to share that. I think you have so much potential and I really want to see where you go, both with this story in specific and in general with your writing. I can't wait to read more and see where you go from here :)
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October 10, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I'm not a big fan of Soren but I'm starting to feel a little sorry for him....he's probably gonna destroy those feelings in the next couple of chapters, lol. OMG his parents are so weird. His mom is emotionless and his dad could care less. They still could have gave him up even if his grandma knew about him.
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October 9, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Ok so some of us have bad dads. Cant wait to meet his brother. Please tell me he is not all kinds of messed up and had a nice family . Please
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October 8, 2012 at 12:00 AM
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How dare you touch what is mine. <- can I just have Balin for a while?
Soren breaks my heart. How can you hate him? How can anyone hate him? He's purrrrrfect. Now, just make him growl.
I like people biting my shoulder too. ¬¬ I also like hair pulling. So many things I like that you whacked into one chapter..
How dare you touch what is mine. <- can I just have Balin for a while?
Soren breaks my heart. How can you hate him? How can anyone hate him? He's purrrrrfect. Now, just make him growl.
I like people biting my shoulder too. ¬¬ I also like hair pulling. So many things I like that you whacked into one chapter..
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October 8, 2012 at 12:00 AM
20
Jealous? Nah. Not Balin. Not ever.
Why are they arresting him? I don't understand police situations. I don't get how the law works.
Now, just make the virus real and spread it around the world, please. It would make me happy.
Jealous? Nah. Not Balin. Not ever.
Why are they arresting him? I don't understand police situations. I don't get how the law works.
Now, just make the virus real and spread it around the world, please. It would make me happy.
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October 8, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Soo... If the virus causes extreme lust when first given, is there going to be a giant earth-orgy when they set it loose on the world?