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schedule
September 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I must say I'm not liking Chana's character very much. How does she leave her friend of sorts to an uncertain hell but try to help a stranger who doesnt need or want it?
schedule
September 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
More! write more!!!
schedule
September 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Well, this is quite good. Although someone like yourself deserves a rather big review and I am gonna give itto you. Although I have no problems with the story, at all, I can`t stop wondering if there are "female" mutates. So, basicly this is a new dark age with very few "people" knowing the former glory of humanity. And if so, do they know that there is a world beyond the sea?
I think I speak for all of your fans that the story is going well but there are things that makes us want to know more about it.
I think I speak for all of your fans that the story is going well but there are things that makes us want to know more about it.
schedule
August 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
And Lain returns with one of engorged reviews! I only have the time and energy to put out about five of these is a year. So far I believe this is either my first or second review this year. So please feel loved.
Characters
Anja
At first I thought this was nothing more than a one shot so I considered the likelihood of actually delving into this character moot. But then when you went further on in the first chapter about how devout she was in her beliefs of Purity it helped to give the story more foundation. Her own belief in the Purity of herself and other women is completely believable and well founded.
Rok
Now the moment you started in on this character I liked him. I'm a sucker for misunderstood characters. He's not mean, or bad, he's just ugly and women hate him for such. How he deals with the whole situation with Anja is very believable to me. If one were to grow up normal and then change, they would see themselves in a completely different light. Women would also have a different role in their lives. Which he puts forth later on in the story with regards to 'love' and how the breeder princess knows nothing of it.
Founder
Creepy. At first I read his section too fast to gain an accurate mental picture of him. But, when I went back I was thoroughly disgusted and felt a bit sad for Anja. How all she had fought for had failed her horribly. Founder himself seems like a very interesting character. I wonder about what you will do with him and all the women he keeps due to the fact that I feel he can't really move of his own volition.
Chana
I liked that you gave her a psychic link to her sister. It gives off a very very good feeling with regards to the story. Her struggle through the third chapter is kept very fast and involving. Her thoughts are well represented and come across well. I like how you keep her real. She's not all about running and killing mutants. Now that there is a chance that she may have lost her Purity she's looking at the world through a new kind of filter. Very nice.
Cook
Poor thing. That's all I can think. She seems like a nice character and a possible ending for Chana due to their similarities. I just feel bad that the poor woman is carrying eight eggs. Though I imagine this feeling is what you were going for.
Hive Lord Mantis
Truly seems like a character to watch. Even in the short part you talked about him he was very well spoken and commanding. His regal nature came through completely. I can't wait to see what he does later, if anything, and how Cook responds to it.
Story/Plot
Personally, I love this thing. Ever since you posted chapter one I have scoured the fanfiction base looking for it. As I mentioned before I was worried that this poor thing would die as nothing more than a one shot; some uber-pure citizen's attempt at a darker story. I'm happy to see you did, in fact, continue it.
The story, in an odd way, is believable. Men have a genetic difference to women and if we polluted the world enough there is a chance that this could be a reality. Granted far far from it; but a chance nonetheless. With that as my base I've looked over your story and found all of it very believable and well founded. There are no major plot holes to speak of, just a few questions to bring to light later on.
Plus, I just have a thing for tentacles and mutants and I'm ecstatic to see someone with the balls to come to the plate and realize the untapped creative resource that it is. Truly, you can do anything you can imagine with the creatures. They can be anything you desire, and from what I see you're not afraid to dream up new ones.
Grammar
Very well written. You have a wonderful command of the language. The sex scenes are written as the time commands. Such as with Rok and how his was intimate versus Chana and her experience and how disgusting it was. You also have a wonderful talent of blending situations and dialogue. Hive Lord Mantis best reprisents this as his command of the language is royal in every decree; he gives no room for argument.
Questions and Concerns
If so many Puritans fail why do they keep going and enlisting?
Will Founder have later developments as a slave trader (due to his high influx of pregnant women and offspring)?
Is Chana a female mutant considering the psychic-ness with her sister?
Reviewer's Drabble
Well I suppose that's it. I hope you enjoyed this review. I hope this gives you the energy to post another chapter soon. I wont review everytime but know that I am reading your story. If you ever desire another one of these though, feel free to state it at the end of a chapter. I will read it and review again. That way if you desire direction or reviewing you will always get it. :)
Characters
Anja
At first I thought this was nothing more than a one shot so I considered the likelihood of actually delving into this character moot. But then when you went further on in the first chapter about how devout she was in her beliefs of Purity it helped to give the story more foundation. Her own belief in the Purity of herself and other women is completely believable and well founded.
Rok
Now the moment you started in on this character I liked him. I'm a sucker for misunderstood characters. He's not mean, or bad, he's just ugly and women hate him for such. How he deals with the whole situation with Anja is very believable to me. If one were to grow up normal and then change, they would see themselves in a completely different light. Women would also have a different role in their lives. Which he puts forth later on in the story with regards to 'love' and how the breeder princess knows nothing of it.
Founder
Creepy. At first I read his section too fast to gain an accurate mental picture of him. But, when I went back I was thoroughly disgusted and felt a bit sad for Anja. How all she had fought for had failed her horribly. Founder himself seems like a very interesting character. I wonder about what you will do with him and all the women he keeps due to the fact that I feel he can't really move of his own volition.
Chana
I liked that you gave her a psychic link to her sister. It gives off a very very good feeling with regards to the story. Her struggle through the third chapter is kept very fast and involving. Her thoughts are well represented and come across well. I like how you keep her real. She's not all about running and killing mutants. Now that there is a chance that she may have lost her Purity she's looking at the world through a new kind of filter. Very nice.
Cook
Poor thing. That's all I can think. She seems like a nice character and a possible ending for Chana due to their similarities. I just feel bad that the poor woman is carrying eight eggs. Though I imagine this feeling is what you were going for.
Hive Lord Mantis
Truly seems like a character to watch. Even in the short part you talked about him he was very well spoken and commanding. His regal nature came through completely. I can't wait to see what he does later, if anything, and how Cook responds to it.
Story/Plot
Personally, I love this thing. Ever since you posted chapter one I have scoured the fanfiction base looking for it. As I mentioned before I was worried that this poor thing would die as nothing more than a one shot; some uber-pure citizen's attempt at a darker story. I'm happy to see you did, in fact, continue it.
The story, in an odd way, is believable. Men have a genetic difference to women and if we polluted the world enough there is a chance that this could be a reality. Granted far far from it; but a chance nonetheless. With that as my base I've looked over your story and found all of it very believable and well founded. There are no major plot holes to speak of, just a few questions to bring to light later on.
Plus, I just have a thing for tentacles and mutants and I'm ecstatic to see someone with the balls to come to the plate and realize the untapped creative resource that it is. Truly, you can do anything you can imagine with the creatures. They can be anything you desire, and from what I see you're not afraid to dream up new ones.
Grammar
Very well written. You have a wonderful command of the language. The sex scenes are written as the time commands. Such as with Rok and how his was intimate versus Chana and her experience and how disgusting it was. You also have a wonderful talent of blending situations and dialogue. Hive Lord Mantis best reprisents this as his command of the language is royal in every decree; he gives no room for argument.
Questions and Concerns
If so many Puritans fail why do they keep going and enlisting?
Will Founder have later developments as a slave trader (due to his high influx of pregnant women and offspring)?
Is Chana a female mutant considering the psychic-ness with her sister?
Reviewer's Drabble
Well I suppose that's it. I hope you enjoyed this review. I hope this gives you the energy to post another chapter soon. I wont review everytime but know that I am reading your story. If you ever desire another one of these though, feel free to state it at the end of a chapter. I will read it and review again. That way if you desire direction or reviewing you will always get it. :)
schedule
August 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
wow so much in one chapter! update soon.
schedule
August 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
YES!!! I love it you made all my creative AND my naughty places tingle!!! I'm in love... a monster only in body a society formed by the circumstances around them a woman who knows no other way and a man who has nearly forgotten any other! I so very much am wishing for new chapters PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE turn out more! It was... Beautiful!
schedule
July 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Wow interesting story. I can't wait for more!
schedule
July 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I have to say this is by far one of the better fics I have read on this site. Very original. The only problem I had was I would have liked more sex, but otherwise I can not wait for more. I am officially a loyal reader so please post more!
schedule
July 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Creepy! Great story, really great writing... I hope you continue it!
schedule
July 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Wow what a classy piece of work! Definitely not a waste of time reading this, I can't wait to read more of this, what a brilliant, original concept! True story teller stuff! :D