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July 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i hope that in time both of them will be able to talk, because all they are doing right now is making the other feel lousy and sometimes hurt... UPDATE SOON PLEASE!!!
ASOTA
ASOTA
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July 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I just realized you posted a new story. As always I love it. It's not quite up to snuff with your others, but you're probably still getting used to the third person perspective. I'm looking forward to chapter 4 =]
Also....I know I've mentioned it before, but when are you going to continue Trouble With Thirteen? D=
Also....I know I've mentioned it before, but when are you going to continue Trouble With Thirteen? D=
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July 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hmmmmm I like it ^^
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
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July 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Oh dear, Theo is so going to get his ass handed to him xD
I think you're doing fine with the third person narrative. If describing what a character is thinking is what you're worried about, (although, I don't see any reason for you to be worried ^^) it's really not too hard. I mean, sure, you can't always literally say what the person's thinking, but you can imply it by describing things the way your character thinks of them rather than just plainly stating what is there. Like, instead of saying, "So-and-so watched as so-and-so fell off his bike," you could say, "So-and-so watched as so-and-so awkwardly fell from his back, limbs waving about like an idiot." So we know that so-and-so one thinks so-and-so two is an idiot.
But, like I said, I wouldn't worry over it too much because I think you're doing just fine. Just keep doing what you're doing - I'm loving it!
I think you're doing fine with the third person narrative. If describing what a character is thinking is what you're worried about, (although, I don't see any reason for you to be worried ^^) it's really not too hard. I mean, sure, you can't always literally say what the person's thinking, but you can imply it by describing things the way your character thinks of them rather than just plainly stating what is there. Like, instead of saying, "So-and-so watched as so-and-so fell off his bike," you could say, "So-and-so watched as so-and-so awkwardly fell from his back, limbs waving about like an idiot." So we know that so-and-so one thinks so-and-so two is an idiot.
But, like I said, I wouldn't worry over it too much because I think you're doing just fine. Just keep doing what you're doing - I'm loving it!
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July 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hi!
Well, I like the story so far. But I do not like Theo. He is sooo.....well, he is too nice ( does that make sense ?! ) and too innocent. If he was a real person, his way of acting would get on my nerves. So, I really get why Merrick is pissed XD
Hope you will update soon ^.^
Well, I like the story so far. But I do not like Theo. He is sooo.....well, he is too nice ( does that make sense ?! ) and too innocent. If he was a real person, his way of acting would get on my nerves. So, I really get why Merrick is pissed XD
Hope you will update soon ^.^
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July 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
GAH! don't just stop there!
... sorry. um. its very good. i really like how differently theo and merrick think. its really cool that one can tell right away who's who even if you didn't use names.
please write more soon, they're so cute
... sorry. um. its very good. i really like how differently theo and merrick think. its really cool that one can tell right away who's who even if you didn't use names.
please write more soon, they're so cute
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July 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is awesome!!
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July 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
*snickers*
ok, mer is an asshole. not to the point of me disliking him but still. but, meh, from the little snippets he revealed it looks like his life was not fun and giggles so he's earned the benefit of the doubt and a probation period. we'll see how the situation progresses.
even though merric behaves like an ass i can't help but feel for him. it obviously isn't easy o him. rooted out of familiar surroundings, shipped to somewhere that could as well be another planet and still dealing with the loss of the person who brought him up. not to mention a boyfriend who obviously doesn't give a sh*t about him now that mer's away, an ex-pimp none the less >.>
theo... boy, isn't this boy surprising. looks like a wimp at the first glance, one that would be stereotypically ostracized by everyone and yet everyone likes him. and he can fight. what can i say, he's awesome :D
so what do we have here? two very not simple and predictable characters and an interesting setting. i'm already hooked ^^=
on a side note - i really like your first person writing, love it even, but i can see the advantages of third person narration as well. you can focus on more than one character's inner thoughts that way, we get all the feelings and actions unfiltered - when reading the first person's narrations the main character's POV can distort other character's actions and real intentions. in this story it's all clear and that way we get to know both characters at the same time and pace. so yeah, i like it :]
thanks for posting this story ^^
ok, mer is an asshole. not to the point of me disliking him but still. but, meh, from the little snippets he revealed it looks like his life was not fun and giggles so he's earned the benefit of the doubt and a probation period. we'll see how the situation progresses.
even though merric behaves like an ass i can't help but feel for him. it obviously isn't easy o him. rooted out of familiar surroundings, shipped to somewhere that could as well be another planet and still dealing with the loss of the person who brought him up. not to mention a boyfriend who obviously doesn't give a sh*t about him now that mer's away, an ex-pimp none the less >.>
theo... boy, isn't this boy surprising. looks like a wimp at the first glance, one that would be stereotypically ostracized by everyone and yet everyone likes him. and he can fight. what can i say, he's awesome :D
so what do we have here? two very not simple and predictable characters and an interesting setting. i'm already hooked ^^=
on a side note - i really like your first person writing, love it even, but i can see the advantages of third person narration as well. you can focus on more than one character's inner thoughts that way, we get all the feelings and actions unfiltered - when reading the first person's narrations the main character's POV can distort other character's actions and real intentions. in this story it's all clear and that way we get to know both characters at the same time and pace. so yeah, i like it :]
thanks for posting this story ^^
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July 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
wow! merrick is really mean to theo... and i would never have imagined that theo would have joined a dojo. UPDATE SOON PLEASE!!!
ASOTA
ASOTA
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July 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Wow that was great! I didn't see it coming and now I want more.