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June 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Oh, and don't worry about what 'l.fire' had said about Ainu's character. I like him the way he is^^
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June 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love it!
xD
xD
schedule
June 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
A promising starrt. The little scene at the start served to show the contrast of relationships. I like Ainu's declaration that he is most certainly male. I presume as we discover more about the world we'll learn why Cortax made the suggestions he did and why Ainu feels the way he does. Regional traditions? There's tension - for the upcoming meeting, the pressure to behave - which leaves the reader looking forward to the next chapter.
Personally I prefer stories where there is one POV per scene so there is no confusion as to whose head I'm in. This was predominantly from Ainu's POV. There were a few snippets in Cortax's POv and Apol's POV and I'm not sure they were needed. You show us through body language and Ainu's perspective what Cortax is like. Knowing what is going on in his head makes him slightly less threatening (for me) as we know what he plans to do and there is so little in his POV anyway. Without knowing his thoughts I'd still be guessing and worrying about them and Ainu's apparent ignorance to them.
These are just personal opinions though. Many stories on this sight use more than one POV in a scene (though not so many published works do). All in all I think this is a good start and I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Thank you
Personally I prefer stories where there is one POV per scene so there is no confusion as to whose head I'm in. This was predominantly from Ainu's POV. There were a few snippets in Cortax's POv and Apol's POV and I'm not sure they were needed. You show us through body language and Ainu's perspective what Cortax is like. Knowing what is going on in his head makes him slightly less threatening (for me) as we know what he plans to do and there is so little in his POV anyway. Without knowing his thoughts I'd still be guessing and worrying about them and Ainu's apparent ignorance to them.
These are just personal opinions though. Many stories on this sight use more than one POV in a scene (though not so many published works do). All in all I think this is a good start and I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Thank you
schedule
June 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
ooh,can't wait for more.
don't ake the silver haired one to femme...
it's a male person,after all.
don't ake the silver haired one to femme...
it's a male person,after all.
schedule
June 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I am really enjoying the story I hopw you continue it and I can't wait to see the tension played out between the 3 princes