rate_review Reviews

This seems like a solid story. The Raiser is an amusing brat, but there seems to be hope for the future, and Alex is a very convincing victim. I liked that he's such a miserable cynic, and not the mousy type "bottoms" often are. The incorporation of the elements and monsters into this story is great, and the Raiser's conversation with the Mist left a great set up for the next chapter.

I've only got one complaint, and it's a pretty small one. You constantly refer to your characters as "the blonde man" or the "brown-haired man," or "the shorter man" or "the taller man." Other people may disagree, but I think they really disrupt the narrative. They distance the reader from the story because they don't really belong to either character's POV. We've been told that one character is short and blonde, the other taller and brunette. We don't need to keep hearing it. Don't be afraid to use their names.

I hope this doesn't come across as too aggressive or condemning. I really do like the story, and the epithets are a small thing, and may not bother everybody else. If you want to discuss it further (or anything related to the story), my email is spikefaceblue(at)yahoo(dot)com. Looking forward to the next chapter! :-)

Ohhhhhhhhh me likey...
Would write more, but am too eager to see what happens in the next chapter. Can't blame me for that. It's your own fault for writing a beeping good story lol.
So...without further ado...this reader is heading onwards...to chapter two...hehehehe

ENSNARED

So, Alex has now not only met his new master, but has been told, quite forcibly, the reason for his abduction.

Loved the little twist in this chapter...having the abductor smaller than the abductee. The Storm King almost comes across as a spoiled pampered child now lol. 'I WANT a human pet, Mama. Therefore, I shall have one!" Chuckle....

One thing I would like to question though, is the length of Alex's hair, as in this chapter you wrote...

He paused, running a hand through the taller man’s short, chocolate colored hair.

You will notice you mentioned the word, 'short'. And yet, in the previous chapter you wrote....

Alex sighed, fisting his hand into his chocolate-shaded hair. It caused the tips to splay out in every direction from between his fingers.

That doesn't sound like short hair to me. Or maybe I just read it wrong?

Anyway....

Keep up the excellent work...and look forward to reading the next chapter.

Mitts:

A valid question! ^^

I posted illustrations of both Alex and Raiser in the intro to the 3rd chapter. Go take a peek at Alex's hair length! (It's... short, but kinda long at the same time... or something. =_=;; Like, shaggy, I guess? Oh well! Go look an you'll see what I mean xD)

Thanks for the reviews! ^^

Hello there.
I like it so far.... but I have a question....
Even thopugh is kind of obvious the maybe the king is going to be de dominant..... is there a chance that the dominant may be the human.... is cause I really don´t fancy that much the idea of an acient young looking boy overpowering a full grown up man.
I´m sorry if I annoy you...it´s not my intention.

Bye for now.

*sharpens spear slowly* I can't believe you left it there! *Sets spear down, taking a deep breath* Okay...now on with the review! Surprised by Raiser's appearence? Shocked and stunned more like it! I had to go back and reread it two times before I was sure that I had read it right! At first I was like "that not very scary, is it?" but I continued on, and actually, Raiser frightens me. I'd hate to meet him in an alley somewhere without a lightning rod.
Poor Alex! Oh my goodness, you monster! *hits Raiser with umbrella* Put him back, you creep! You child freak!
Honestly though, this chapter was stunning. Long (*melts*) and delightfully written (*melts further and pours into a bowl*) and despite the shock that Alex is acutally the manly of the two, you've succeeded in making him rather helpless and making Raiser into quite the frightening being. Brava on the shock factor, and I can't wait for more!

Update soon!

Ta Ta for now!

Seriously...I'm Joking. (SeriouslyJoking)

That was very well written!! And you did a good job with keeping us in the dark about Raiser's appearence...I was thinking along the lines of Lucius Malfoy actually....now he turn out to be to short for that!

Keep on writing as I am very curious how Alex will deal with it all!

I... find the storm king highly hilarious. I actually excepted someone, well, taller and more imposing. He's so tiny and adorable sounding. I keep imagining this little kid with a ":D" face or something. Now I keep picture him being like, "hahaha, I'm shorter than you, but i could break you into tiny tiny pieces. ISN'T THAT AWESOME?!"

Actually, I'm kind of glad he isn't tall and imposing now that I've seen him.

Good job so far. Hope to see more soon.

it's a really good beginning and a very interesting *squeal* end... but please no torture in the future chapters! my stomach can't stand those!

great story
good plot line