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April 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Like, OMG!! LOVELOVELOVE!!!! WOW!! Splendid storyline AND writing!! Woah, this is just too great for words! I can't wait to read more!!
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I'm sorry it took me so long to review the first chapter of this story (I actually read it the day you published it) but I have to say... wow. Just wow. First things first, I love that you didn't give these people normal home lives. These are the kids of druggies and abusers, that's more real to me than your average two-point-four household, so I like that this tries to reflect the fact that not everyone has life easy from day one. I also like the fact that these kids don't get bogged down in their troubles, no 'Oh my God I'm gonna totally slash my wrists 'cause my Mama don't love me!', none of that shit. Just kids who've had a rough life coming together and understanding each other's pain. That's good.
Sorry if I'm going off topic a bit, but one thing that bugs me about Femslash is that it tends to give its characters an idyllic home life (or their parents are ignored entirely until they're ready to come out of the closet or something) and that's just so damn boring. But back to the story-proper. I liked the two main characters. Megan particularly. She struck me as kind and sanguine right off the bat, then believably fragile when she thought her sexuality might have been guessed out. That works well with me. And, as far as things moving fast are concerned, it doesn't matter. I tend to find that faster paced stories are more challenging to legitimise than longer ones, and so far you've done brilliantly. I also like the fact that you added a non-asshole male character, Joey, into the mix. Guys tend to be assigned a status of jerk in Femslash more often than not which is... understandable in some ways but it's certainly not a good thing. I try to add decent male characters where I can too, if its necessary.
All in all I'd have to say that you're off to a very good start. Off the bat I can see 'Labels Were Our Friends' is more socially-aware than most Femslash here is, and to critique the issue of 'labels' itself is noble (although I must say I DO have a tendency to subscribe to the validity of teen labels -- geek, jock, stoner, emo, etc, but I know things aren't so black and white in reality). One quibble though. If I were you I might tone down on the character introductions. It's not important but when so many names are brought up in the first chappie it becomes hard to know which ones we should look out for and which ones we should dismiss as fillers. Other than that it is ALL good.
I think you can tell by the review length that I really liked this story, so please, please, update ASAP! ^_^
Kaiser
Sorry if I'm going off topic a bit, but one thing that bugs me about Femslash is that it tends to give its characters an idyllic home life (or their parents are ignored entirely until they're ready to come out of the closet or something) and that's just so damn boring. But back to the story-proper. I liked the two main characters. Megan particularly. She struck me as kind and sanguine right off the bat, then believably fragile when she thought her sexuality might have been guessed out. That works well with me. And, as far as things moving fast are concerned, it doesn't matter. I tend to find that faster paced stories are more challenging to legitimise than longer ones, and so far you've done brilliantly. I also like the fact that you added a non-asshole male character, Joey, into the mix. Guys tend to be assigned a status of jerk in Femslash more often than not which is... understandable in some ways but it's certainly not a good thing. I try to add decent male characters where I can too, if its necessary.
All in all I'd have to say that you're off to a very good start. Off the bat I can see 'Labels Were Our Friends' is more socially-aware than most Femslash here is, and to critique the issue of 'labels' itself is noble (although I must say I DO have a tendency to subscribe to the validity of teen labels -- geek, jock, stoner, emo, etc, but I know things aren't so black and white in reality). One quibble though. If I were you I might tone down on the character introductions. It's not important but when so many names are brought up in the first chappie it becomes hard to know which ones we should look out for and which ones we should dismiss as fillers. Other than that it is ALL good.
I think you can tell by the review length that I really liked this story, so please, please, update ASAP! ^_^
Kaiser
schedule
April 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hmm...Spelling and grammar are a big issue here, in my opinion. I would suggest going on the forums and looking for a beta. I would offer my services, but they are currently in use. Sorry! ;)
Other than that, I believe you're well on the way to a rather deep story of self-discovery. You may be ont to something good here. Keep it up.
Other than that, I believe you're well on the way to a rather deep story of self-discovery. You may be ont to something good here. Keep it up.