rate_review Reviews

you are an amazing writter. the plot and character development are great and this has got to be one of, if not, my favorite fics one this site. keep up the good work and crank out those chapters!! :]

Wow! I had to comment on this. I'm hooked. Your writing reminds my sort of like Laurell K. Hamilton. And also, you said you did not have a beta, I would be HAPPY to beta for you. I'm quick, would have it reviewed for you within an hour of getting it, and you can update as constantly as always. Anyway, ignore the assholes talkin about your story. I love it, and I've read a lot. You kept my attention for 17 chapters, that is more than most can say. Again, feel free to let me know if you need/want a Beta, or anything else for that matter. Oh, and I like Enfer... And Myron, but he reminds me of an ex... Enfer is better *grin*

I don't think I've reviewed in a while. I still love this though! I'm just lazy. lol

I'm really looking forward to a battle scene now... therefore, you are forbidden to stop writing :D it would be really disappointing if such a good story just stopped here, though.

Fantastic job :)

HAIL TO THE QUEEN! *gets on my knees and kisses your feet* im so happy with how everything is turnin out! im also so excited about the story! i wish i could just blink and another chapter would be updated, but sadly you are the writer and i am just the crazy fan/stalker/employee of the month at victoria's secret. *sigh* whoot! more updates! kisses and cars to you if ya do! come on...come on... just playing, i dont have either...*sigh*

Oh my goodness Myron told her that he loved her!!OOO she has some decisions to make, even though I ultimately know who she chooses I still feel the suspense. Which I dedicate to your wonderful writing. I am really happy that you have continued this story. I know that it was frustrating at times, but it is a really great piece of work. Just thought you should know.

Nice to see Myron's better side, and that he really does love her. I'm also happy to see that Delancy kept Enfer and her vampire friends in mind before she spoke. None of them are acting selfish here at least. Too bad she can't have both of them and do a timeshare type thing. lol (just kidding)

Great job. The suspense is killing me!!!! Keep it up. I cannot wait to read the next one.

Anita

Hey, Kitsune! It's been a while, but I've been reading. It looks like your story is coming to the climax now, and I'm definitely looking forward to it! I said it before and I'll say it again. I like your style. It's modern and full of flavor. I just a have a few suggestions- because I care, lol. I'll illustrate with a few examples.

Be careful not to get too long-winded in those descriptions or use the same device too often (e.g. "he looked like...bright...angelic...charisma.") I see this becoming a pattern in your writing, and you want to avoid becoming repetitive in your writing. Change it up. I like that you're experimenting with this, with the liquor analogies and so forth, lol.

As far as the grammar, it was a problem in some chapters where it was difficult to follow your train of thought because of broken sentences or misused expressions, idioms like "I felt a losing [replace with thinning or waning] sense of patience", but I can see you put a lot of effort into proofing the last chapter (35 or 18) as of this reading. That helps the story to flow smoothly and easily. I think your readers will appreciate that.

As usual, you draw hot men and flesh them out with personality, flaws and all. I like that splash of realism in your story. At first it seemed like Delancy was just getting traded between men like currency, but I like that Delancy really gets some time to know and come to like Enfer so that it seems plausible when she's presented a real dilemma: Enfer or Myron? It's true, life is not black and white. I think we read about Enfer's eyes changing colors maybe one time too many.

The politics and history are good. They add depth to the story. I'm glad we get some explanation of the characters inside her head. Sex scenes are great, lol. I'd like to see more about the feelings of the guys involved, but I understand it's a first person story, so that may be hard. Poor Enfer, it seemed like he was just an afterthought in that last scene. Did I mention that I want to see Enfer in a sidestory? xD Falon too, if he weren't dead, lol.

Anywho, don't take the criticism too harshly. The more you practice, the more you'll improve, I'm sure, and as I see it, you're still a growing writer so some errors here and there are to be expected. M'kay, great stuff, keep it coming! ^^

At last we have a solid love triangle, but we all know the Enfer will not win. But in some way, I think he already has. He has won his humanity back, and for Enfer that seems to be a major victory.

This was such a sweet chapter, Myron has admitted he loves her, she has admitted she can't love anyone yet, and still there is Enfer. Those tow goddesses in her head are making her test of fire harder and harder. They are tempering her soul and spirit. When she emerges from this test I think she will be a force to be reconed with.

Please keep writing, this is a fantastic story full of wonderful character, amazing history, and one hell of a love story.