rate_review Reviews

I certainly hope you plan to continue with this story. You have a pretty excellent start kicking off here, you've built up such a sense of anticipation here. Definitely curious to see where it's going.

Man , I feel bummed. I just found this story and it hasn't been updated in forever. Forget the fact that it's just a web fiction. Every story needs an ending! Ahem , please and mucho gracis. Okay fine I'll stroke your ego a bit. You no how to mile to adjectives to squeez out a novels worth of tension in just 2 chapters. That's talent.

That is such a ridiculously cruel way to end a chapter you have no idea.

First off, your grammar and spelling are impeccable. Secondly, you have a talent for drawing out your female lead's...hunger, so to speak. In that sense, we can really feel the tension in her, like a hunting cat waiting to pounce. Just describing her need for the other young woman, how you describe the small details (very nice touch, by the way. Very in-character) about her target of desire, really add to the story.

My one criticism is that you switched from past tense to present tense at one point, and then back in Chapter Two. I noticed that just before I started writing my review.

Other than that, keep up the great job! Looking forward to Chapter Three!

That was weird, but hot! I've never been much of a fan for pain/pleasure, but I'm willing to give it a shot! Hope to see the next chapter soon!

so glad u updated.. i was waiting to see how this story would go on.. nice developments.. great work! very hot scenes..

plzz contine

Delicious chap very well written cant wait for the next chap I would like to see a slightly more description on the characters though

Wow. This. Is. Incredible. I really hope you plan to continue writing this because...WOW for lack of a better word is all I can really type here.

this is pretty sweet,please continue