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February 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Well, I was skeptical at first, but this seems like a great fic. Your writing, my biggest pet peeve, is impeccable, and you've somehow managed to turn this scenario into a somewhat believable story. With a girl of Amber's caliber (drop-dead gorgeous, strong libido) and former lifestyle, it's possible to see her actually making this decision, and to make something like this believable, you're a great writer. It's smut with a well-thought plot, and developed characters, and I'm really looking forward to where you'll take this.
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February 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
That was a prologue? It seemed like the prologue and a first chapter all in one go.
Anyway, on the technical side of things, I noted a few errors (mainly having to do with quotations and parentheses), but your spelling and grammar were flawless by far.
Artistically, this was an exceptional piece. Your visualizations were solid and easy to bring to mind, the language used was mature (borderline high-brow) as well as eloquent, and your sense of character was nothing short of splendid.
All in all, this first chapter was a 9.75 out of 10. Plenty of kudos, and keep up the excellent work!
Anyway, on the technical side of things, I noted a few errors (mainly having to do with quotations and parentheses), but your spelling and grammar were flawless by far.
Artistically, this was an exceptional piece. Your visualizations were solid and easy to bring to mind, the language used was mature (borderline high-brow) as well as eloquent, and your sense of character was nothing short of splendid.
All in all, this first chapter was a 9.75 out of 10. Plenty of kudos, and keep up the excellent work!