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June 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
a very cool fic. i hope you keep up writing. i am looking forward to the next chapter!
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March 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This was extremely well-written and very enjoyable! It's difficult to find stories of this caliber that aren't simply PWP, so very well done :) I can't wait to read further installments!
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March 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
umm. i am here to answer a few sex related questions, first whenever a women is talking to u have u ever noticed how the woman moves her legs around? well what she is doing is pulling her panties up and warming up her crotch next time you see a woman doing that thinkabout it. Second women like to leave stuff at the mans house (like the panties in the story) is because of genetics and the said woman wants to make u remember her by leaving something,(all the better for the men) third is the most important woman are like men in (im talking sexual) they are horny like the men its just that society doesnt allow them to seek men (its not proper seeing a woman searching for a man or else she would be a whore) what u have to do is get the woman to turst you, play the waiting game (too bad men are bad at it and the first thing they think about is sex and screw up) ,wait and surely u will get what u want. i hate to think what women think reading this but i bet none of them can denie what i am saying. hey autor dude i like the story one of my top 3 stories =0
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February 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is a really nice story. Well written and surprisingly considerate of the female-reader's interests for being from a male author.
I just have one thing that's been bothering me, and that is that the female hymen is *external* genitalia. It is not located inside of the vagina, but rather, covers the opening to it, so it would be visible from the outside, and you can't have any penetration without going past it.
That and no girl I know would ever refer to a part of her body as her 'snatch'. =)
But other than that, well done. Well written and an interesting read. Please update soon.
I just have one thing that's been bothering me, and that is that the female hymen is *external* genitalia. It is not located inside of the vagina, but rather, covers the opening to it, so it would be visible from the outside, and you can't have any penetration without going past it.
That and no girl I know would ever refer to a part of her body as her 'snatch'. =)
But other than that, well done. Well written and an interesting read. Please update soon.
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February 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Nicely written, heres hoping for an update asap.
=D
=D
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February 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Reviewing Chapter One:
Extremely well-written. The whole Thomas/Danielle thing threw me off at first, considering my distaste of minors under fourteen in any form of sexual contact, but this story is crafted exquisitely enough in its previous chapter and this installment that (with luck) I can overlook that for this story. I'm not saying that you should stop writing whatever you choose to suit my needs; I'm just saying I don't want to have to stop reading such an eloquent piece because of my being uppity about it.
Amber's transition from confused young woman to surprisingly willing sex slave was expressed very well throughout the course of the chapter, beginning from meeting the sisters to her...initiation, let's put it. I can understand perfectly how you can get carried away writing about the darker side of sex, but sometimes it's good to let your darker side run amok for a little while. More often than not, you may be pleased with the result. Good for you.
I noticed some areas where quotes should have been used, such as the beginning of new paragraphs during speech, but other than that, your technical form was exceptional.
Keep up the great work.
Extremely well-written. The whole Thomas/Danielle thing threw me off at first, considering my distaste of minors under fourteen in any form of sexual contact, but this story is crafted exquisitely enough in its previous chapter and this installment that (with luck) I can overlook that for this story. I'm not saying that you should stop writing whatever you choose to suit my needs; I'm just saying I don't want to have to stop reading such an eloquent piece because of my being uppity about it.
Amber's transition from confused young woman to surprisingly willing sex slave was expressed very well throughout the course of the chapter, beginning from meeting the sisters to her...initiation, let's put it. I can understand perfectly how you can get carried away writing about the darker side of sex, but sometimes it's good to let your darker side run amok for a little while. More often than not, you may be pleased with the result. Good for you.
I noticed some areas where quotes should have been used, such as the beginning of new paragraphs during speech, but other than that, your technical form was exceptional.
Keep up the great work.
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February 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
this story is freagin brilliant.
just thought i'd let you know.
can't wait for the next chapter!
just thought i'd let you know.
can't wait for the next chapter!
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February 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
die from exposure in hawii thasts impossible it dosen't rain for more then a few hours at a time and it almost never goes below 50 other then that good story
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February 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
hey. this seems like it has the potential to be really good! i wish you would post the next chapter though... :p you're a really good writer i think...
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February 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoyed your story, It was interesting. But I dont feel like I know Mr. Bryant, and I know your most likely going to show more of him later but I feel you should show him a little bit more in the next chapter. Its just a suggestion and in no way a "diss".
Im surprised she took the offer though, I most likely wouldnt have, I would have told him to stuff it and I would go off and tell the police. Unless he has connections, which Im not sure of because I dont know him.
Im surprised she took the offer though, I most likely wouldnt have, I would have told him to stuff it and I would go off and tell the police. Unless he has connections, which Im not sure of because I dont know him.