schedule
September 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love the story the asian kid sounds cute and i love superiors name it sutes him. He is the bacon bringer. Well love to hear more about the characters and thir backgrounds and descriptions. Please update soon i wanna know how his parents are nad how he will react to the being there.
schedule
March 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I think you should shop this around and get it made into manga. Love the character names and the use of Japanese. Definitely fun.
schedule
February 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
They make such an adorable couple..keep up the good work, ur doing a wonderful job! please update soon, im looking forward to your next chapter. take care. 8D
schedule
January 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Well, now. I don't know where to start.
This is an interesting plot idea, and when I looked at the comprehensible summary and saw no reviews, I didn't think that was fair. So I read it. At first it appeared a little long, judging by the scrollbar, and that can be intimidating, but it turns out, that was just from the spacing between paragraphs. It was a little stiff at first, but once I got into it, I really came to like the characters. God, I love the flamboyant ones! Zebra print FTW! By the end of this chapter, I wanted more! I want to know whats happening! How will Superior react?!
Now, onto the technical issues. (If you prefer not to have constructive criticism, skip this part ^_^;; ) There were a few typos: words missing, misspelled, and misplaced. It wasn't too much, but it did distract me a little bit. Secondly, you have a great writing style, so I think it's fine as it is, but I do think this chapter could use a little more detail when painting the scenes, if you know what I mean. But really, I have no place saying that. Detailing is a problem of mine, lol.
The fellatio scene was hot. Seriously. Hot. Throwing in Japanese words now and then is a nice touch, and you skillfully kept it to a minimum which is really good. I'd love to know more about Superior though. I can picture Shinosuke in my head while I read (Love his name) but I draw a bit of a blank with Superior. I feel sorry for those old folks. My brother's business in Japan went bankrupt too! It really sucks when that happens! Anyway... Yeah, I think I've rambled on enough for one night!
~C~
This is an interesting plot idea, and when I looked at the comprehensible summary and saw no reviews, I didn't think that was fair. So I read it. At first it appeared a little long, judging by the scrollbar, and that can be intimidating, but it turns out, that was just from the spacing between paragraphs. It was a little stiff at first, but once I got into it, I really came to like the characters. God, I love the flamboyant ones! Zebra print FTW! By the end of this chapter, I wanted more! I want to know whats happening! How will Superior react?!
Now, onto the technical issues. (If you prefer not to have constructive criticism, skip this part ^_^;; ) There were a few typos: words missing, misspelled, and misplaced. It wasn't too much, but it did distract me a little bit. Secondly, you have a great writing style, so I think it's fine as it is, but I do think this chapter could use a little more detail when painting the scenes, if you know what I mean. But really, I have no place saying that. Detailing is a problem of mine, lol.
The fellatio scene was hot. Seriously. Hot. Throwing in Japanese words now and then is a nice touch, and you skillfully kept it to a minimum which is really good. I'd love to know more about Superior though. I can picture Shinosuke in my head while I read (Love his name) but I draw a bit of a blank with Superior. I feel sorry for those old folks. My brother's business in Japan went bankrupt too! It really sucks when that happens! Anyway... Yeah, I think I've rambled on enough for one night!
~C~