schedule
June 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
write moooooooooooooore!!
schedule
January 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
you sooooo have to keep writing!!! it's reeeeeally good so far!!
schedule
January 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
What I've read is a very good start to your story.
On the technical side of things, I would give this initial chapter a once-over. I noticed a few spelling and grammatical errors, just some things that occur probably during upload. Also, try to discern where Jenny's flashback starts and ends. It wove into the actual "present" of the story, which threw me off a little.
On the artistic side, it flowed very nicely and the bit of depth and character you gave to the girls was a very nice touch. I like how Kelsey and Jenny first hooked up, or what you revealed of it, anyway, and maybe a recollection of that could be used in a later chapter (I'm not really asking you to do it, but if it tickles your fancy...).
All in all, a good start. Keep up the good work.
On the technical side of things, I would give this initial chapter a once-over. I noticed a few spelling and grammatical errors, just some things that occur probably during upload. Also, try to discern where Jenny's flashback starts and ends. It wove into the actual "present" of the story, which threw me off a little.
On the artistic side, it flowed very nicely and the bit of depth and character you gave to the girls was a very nice touch. I like how Kelsey and Jenny first hooked up, or what you revealed of it, anyway, and maybe a recollection of that could be used in a later chapter (I'm not really asking you to do it, but if it tickles your fancy...).
All in all, a good start. Keep up the good work.
schedule
January 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like it... I like how you're taking your time, building the anticipation. Rushing into is has ruined many a good one-shot...
schedule
January 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
OMG SOOO GOOD...