schedule
November 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
pretty good one i think i like where this is going please tell me you didn't give up on it please
update soon
update soon
schedule
January 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hello, though your idea for your story is very good and interesting. Your whole story in general, the written part, is too hasty (rushed). Take your time. Your recent chapter is a bit confusing. I find that the story is a bit too unbelievable, wanting to have sex with a straight man when you heard someone died (important too!) Please, take your time and be more descriptive. Hope you will take note of this constructive criticism.
-Hello
-Hello
schedule
January 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Watch your pronoun agreement.
schedule
January 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
ok, so i have some things to say:
i find it hard to believe a convinced straight man would be all so hot for his enemy from the first moments, and more to that: be aware of his feelings. It is practically impossible if you ask me.
plus to that if you do it like this, there is no magic, no mistery and no credible characters.
So, take you time to work on you characters and make them as real as possible, 'cause that's what counts: to have a great credible story.
good luck
i find it hard to believe a convinced straight man would be all so hot for his enemy from the first moments, and more to that: be aware of his feelings. It is practically impossible if you ask me.
plus to that if you do it like this, there is no magic, no mistery and no credible characters.
So, take you time to work on you characters and make them as real as possible, 'cause that's what counts: to have a great credible story.
good luck
schedule
January 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i want to know why he wants to beg gabriel to fuck him too.
so,make me 'see' it.
*big eyes*
so,make me 'see' it.
*big eyes*
schedule
January 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
The concept you thought up is really interesting and has quite some potential. It can be turned into a whole mess of emotional drama and angst and confusion etc.
But your moving much to fast, try to slow down, pace it out, describe the characters, their feelings and actions a little more. For a straight guy to want sex with another man that suddenly and that quickly is a bit unusual, not to mention unrealistic.
Also he just heard of the death of a very influential person in his life, he's not bound to think of sex at that moment. he may feel some warmth if the other man decides to try to comfort him, for some reason, but they don't really know each other long enough for many a form attraction to manifest.
But your moving much to fast, try to slow down, pace it out, describe the characters, their feelings and actions a little more. For a straight guy to want sex with another man that suddenly and that quickly is a bit unusual, not to mention unrealistic.
Also he just heard of the death of a very influential person in his life, he's not bound to think of sex at that moment. he may feel some warmth if the other man decides to try to comfort him, for some reason, but they don't really know each other long enough for many a form attraction to manifest.
schedule
January 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
the ideea is really interesting. If you make the chapters longer it would be great!
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January 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like the idea a lot - but you should seriously get a beta! If you don't have one, I'm volunteering... Write me: koira@gmx.net
:)
:)
schedule
January 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
The chapter was pretty short, but it was still good. Hopefully the next chapter is a little bit longer.
schedule
January 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
interesting start...but i hope da next chapters would be longer since not much happened
and btw...is he still married (to bianca)?
and btw...is he still married (to bianca)?