rate_review Reviews

I love your story.
Please updateeeeeeeeee

Oli hiljainen hetki töissä ja päätin lukea tämän sun tarinan. Kiva nähdä muitakin suomalaisia täällä :P

Anyway, I continue writing my review in English. I myself always read reviews before starting to read a story, just curious of other comments.

I really feel sorry for Jason, but I can't really blame you of evilness, after all I'm known for torturing my own characters, hih, and I like reading this kind of stories even though they sometimes make me feel upset and sad, it just means that the writer is doing a good job.

Hm, his dad ain't all that smart is he? Well here he is making his son fight and doesn't give him food, how could he win when he's starving? Unless it's just what the dad wants, to see him loose, maybe he bets against him? hm... or maybe he just wants to turture Jason.

I'm curious to know more about the family history, maybe you fill it in later? Or maybe it's not important to the story... and now I'm just rambling :P...

and hopefully Jason sees a doctor, he'd need it after what he went through, after bleeding...

Anyway, good job, I will be following this story :)

Poor poor boy... but he met Mr annoying again yay to that... are they gonna get 'involved'? hee~~ can;t wait for the next chapter... hope these two will meet again..

So, Jason has met a new friend.....but....is this Troy, friend? Or foe in disguise?
And I can't believe that Jonathon went so light this time, and let Jason off with just a quick grope.
I loved how you had poor Jason debating which of the two disgusting foods was the better to eat, not health wise for him, but which one his father wouldn't miss...I'm surprised he hasn't chewed his nails down to the knuckle lol...

There are a few things that need amending this chapter but, believe it or not, I hate leaving amendments on peoples review page...makes me feel like I'm critizing, or flaming, when that is not my intention. If you'd like me to forward my suggestions to you, please email me, and I'll send them to you that way....

penwrite@hotmail.co.uk

Keep up the good work!

Well this is a great story. Guess the guy from the laundry room is Troys uncel? Hope their gonna save poor Jason. Pleas update soon, you really got me hooked!:)

Great new chapter, really intense! There were some spelling/grammar mistakes and in one place your sentence is cut off and incomplete, but this doesn't detract from the story. I can't wait for more.

I'm enjoying your story. Please continue. You have made it believable that Jason feels trapped in his situation and is unable to leave it, though I'm continually wishing he would just run away and make his escape.

oh oh oh, I hope Troy will save Jason!!!!

I was just thinking I'd love to read another chapter to this story when I see you posted one! It was great. I wonder if T.'s uncle is the man from the laundry room. Can't wait to read more development between the budding friendship.

Aw bless you...Thank you for the mention. That was really sweet lol....

My heart really went out to poor Jason this chapter. To be so hungry, he had to give himself to Jonathan. But then again, at least he got some food out of it, and not a beating, because even if he had said 'no', I don't think Jonathan would have stopped. I am still fearful of his father finding out his bed has been used though. And you just know he'll take his anger out on his son, and not his friend. The bed will not have been left exactly as he left it, or something will be out of place...hes sure to know...

I hope you don't mind, I've put a few of the corrections in thats needed.


Jonathan came with last brutal thrusts...I would add the word 'his' in between 'with' and 'last'
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“I.. I like it when..” I started but the words got caught in my throat. I didn’t know what to say. “Yes? You like it when I..?” “I.. I like it when you..” I stuttered

This is just something that you have to think about...everytime a different person speaks, you should really be separating the speech so it reads like this....

"I.. I like it when.." I started but the words got caught in my throat. I didn't know what to say.
"Yes? You like it when I..?"
"I.. I like it when you.." I stuttered
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“I-I like sucking you cock.”.....This just needs an 'r' on the end of the word 'you'
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and picked up my shirts....Was Jason wearing more than one shirt? If not, you need to drop the 's' at the end of the word, 'shirts'
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and shifted my weight from foot to another restlessly....If it were me, I would write this sentence this way.....'and shifted my weight from one foot to the other restlessly...'
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I want to get a picture where you’re hard.” he said and reached down with shaky hands...Need to add the word 'I' in between the words 'and' and 'reached'
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It took me a long time to get myself harden.....Just need to add the word 'to' in between 'myself' and 'harden'
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I stood still, knowing that he one thing Jonathan hated was....Just need to add the letter 't' to the word 'he'
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There you go...that wasn't too painful, was it? I think you're doing fantastically. Keep it up.