rate_review Reviews

just finished reading the..hm.. four chapters? that you posted since the last time and yup just to let you know I still read ^_^ Jason sure has it rough, I wonder when his saviour will turn up, maybe it is Mr. annoying? Somehow I doubt that it will be the younger guy, he seems so clueless =/
Anyway, hope it will get better for J in the future. He needs a hug.

-C-

Haha! I wasn't pissed about the confusion. I really like your story. I wouldn't comment if I didn't like it would I? ;) Anyway, it's good that you're not some incorrigible prick so here's some of the corrections you asked for.
>You interchanged the words "loose" and "lose" Loose means lax or not tight, while lose means failure, defeat, or misplacing it. I think it's somewhere in the first 6 chapters. sorry for not being precise :(
>Same with it's and its. It's is short for it is, while its denotes possession. But you only did this one or two times in chapters 1-6
>Oh, you might want to avoid what you did in a certain chapter. It's about how you tell that Jason is crying. Because if I remember correctly, you said the lines "I cried" or "Tears fell down" exactly about nine times in a certain chapter. But what's good that it only happened in one chapter.

That's all I can remember right now. The rest are just typos and I think that even with the slight mistakes, your story is more than understandable and entertaining. Oh, you're Finnish right? I've always wanted to visit Finland if not Japan. It's probably because of Nightwish, my favorite band. So, did you get inspiration from Nightwish's song "Nemo" when you wrote your fic "Nemo"?

Well, I didn't see that coming....Jason's dad giving him a choice. I think Jason choose the better of the two evils. At least he didn't end up at the Cave battered, like he would have done if he'd tried fighting. And he got to see poor little Tristan again.

You asked for reviewers to help with the grammer so...okay...

“I’m sorry, sir.” I said and started *pealing* (peeling) off my clothes

“Stop fighting me, kid!” The lawyer growled at me and smacked me when I *get* (started) struggling.

I looked up *in* (Looked up in, what? Trepidation?) when I heard the door open again

“Don’t fight me, Cabe. You’ll regret it if you *will* (do) and you know it.”

Now he was doing it again when he could have so easily just beaten me and then *give* (given) me to those who actually did pay to rape people.

There you go. Nothing too major. I think you're doing fantastically...keep it up!

That was so terribly sad, but you hit the emotions spot on. The atmosphere around J. being traumatized after the rape and how he's always worried about being hurt - so realistic. It's like I can feel him spiraling and I like how the most unexpected people are nice to him. You have these characters that you expect to be nothing but assholes but really they're just doing what they have to, just like he is. Really great!

Chapter 15

I don't understand how I can be enjoying this story so much!!

Jason get beatened, starved, raped, pimped, concussed and blooded,
with no end in sight and yet, I can't look away!!

Wish I could provide more constructive feedback, but, you have the
skill to keep audiences enthralled and your English grammer is better
than most, so any minor errors present are not being picked up because my
mind is too wrapped up in the story!!

Many of the characters find Jason attractive but, perhaps more descriptions
of him could solidify his form in my mind as I have a vague idea of his starved,
smaller than average form and I think-- dark hair(?). Maybe I'd like to see
more of what they see on the surface!!

Thanks for another fine chapter,
R

It's reached a point where my day is made if you've posted a new chapter. You've got me very curious about where this will lead.

:( poor Jason... I really hope Mr. Annoying is some FBI agent investigating Jason and his dad XD Oh yeah, that would be freakin' shweet! lol And I hope Jay will get to see Troy again... and that Troy will actually start to realise the hell Jay's been living in and try to help him! Gahhhhh, so much drama that I wanna cry! XD But that's a good thing 'cause that means the emotions are there! UPDATE AGAIN SOON!!!!!

nice job tracy, I love Jason too.

Oh the irony that Jason would feel safe at home...wrapped only in sheets that have been stained continuosly in his own blood.
I suppose his father deserves...choke...some credit for taking Jason to a doctor but.... a back street doctor? What was the man thinking? Oh, but then, he wasn't was he? At least, not thinking of Jason, only thinking of himself...nothing new there I guess.
And what a weird doctor! Thank the lord though he restrained himself to just touching..whether that was all purely for medical purposes is a matter of opinion....
So poor Jason is back home once again...and his father is making him fight...once again! Will he finally realise though that he has to feed his son? Will Jason at least get better fed?
I hope he doesn't get too badly hurt in the fight....like you, I'm loving Jason too....

I hope Mr. Annoying is one of the good guys.