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March 26, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Very interesting story, had a lot of potential, but I think it ended too prematurely. Jon's reaction to Elliot's break up didn't seem in keeping with his personality, especially since he invested three years of his life with Elliot even though he wasn't getting any *cough*, which meant he was pretty serious about him. Having him just up and leave without putting up an argument and trying to fix things was too out of character.
I think it might be worth it if you revisited this story at a later date and tried to flesh it out more. It really does have a lot of potential. I think you did a really good job with Razzle's personality :) he made sense in a juvenile psychotic way :)
I think it might be worth it if you revisited this story at a later date and tried to flesh it out more. It really does have a lot of potential. I think you did a really good job with Razzle's personality :) he made sense in a juvenile psychotic way :)
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November 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
That ending was...a disappointment.
This story jumped around a lot but the premise was great! I wish you had done more with it. :(
This story jumped around a lot but the premise was great! I wish you had done more with it. :(
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October 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
You know, I really like this story. It's twisted and sick... but it's almost kind of cute how Razzle just wants to be loved. What I'd like is to see their relationship after he comes home to live with Elliot. See how he copes and everything.
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October 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow. Where do I begin? Just . . . wow. Please continue.
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October 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
PERFECT. I have been looking for a stories like this for ages but can't seem to find any. :P
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October 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
wow that was crazy in a morbidly romantic sorta way im impressed and it takes a whole lot to impress me
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October 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
awwwww. i feel so sorry for razzle. but since elliot broke up with jon does it mean he's gonna take care of razzle? and yiu can't end it yet!!!!!
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October 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Err. . . 'wtf' wouldn't begin to cover it :S
Chapter three had Elliot being tortured and locked up, and suddenly it skips to chapter five where it's three years later, Razzle's in an institution and Elliot is recovering from his trauma - err, it's a little confusing and I've never seen "continuity" like this before. . .
Anyway - it is an excellent story ;) I just love the emotional depth of the characters and the plot if really original, at times there doesn't seem to be much detail or logic though (like how Jon just left when Elliot dumped him, if they'd been together two years and Jon loved him, wouldn't he make more of a scene?) - but still, I have to admit it's a really awesome story and I can't wait to read more!
Chapter three had Elliot being tortured and locked up, and suddenly it skips to chapter five where it's three years later, Razzle's in an institution and Elliot is recovering from his trauma - err, it's a little confusing and I've never seen "continuity" like this before. . .
Anyway - it is an excellent story ;) I just love the emotional depth of the characters and the plot if really original, at times there doesn't seem to be much detail or logic though (like how Jon just left when Elliot dumped him, if they'd been together two years and Jon loved him, wouldn't he make more of a scene?) - but still, I have to admit it's a really awesome story and I can't wait to read more!
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October 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow deliciously twisted. I loved it!
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October 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
it was an ok story, kind of confusing and the ending didnt quite make sense.