schedule
May 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Um, I'm not to sure about how Chapter 9 ends. (well, just not so sure why John/Jack/Stick- whoever- reacts to Cam the way he does after the dealio in her room) I think that the chaos deal was an interesting way for her to deal but that the Semi was a little too much. I mean, everything else up to that point wouldn't REALLY hurt anyone (well other than herself- but she DID walk into traffic so she kind of deserves it). It just seems like something that would happen the next time she goes on a bender like that. Not the first time the reader sees it.
Also, what's the deal with her fish? why do I feel that he's not really the spirit of her fish but instead a spy/demon thinger for the ones out to get her? And why did John/Jack/Stick's eyes have an aspect to them she couldn't recognize? It almost sets him up as a possessed on since he tried to call down the wrath of her father.
Okay, done now. Sorry. YOu know where to find me should you want to grill me for my comments. ^_^ HUGS
Also, what's the deal with her fish? why do I feel that he's not really the spirit of her fish but instead a spy/demon thinger for the ones out to get her? And why did John/Jack/Stick's eyes have an aspect to them she couldn't recognize? It almost sets him up as a possessed on since he tried to call down the wrath of her father.
Okay, done now. Sorry. YOu know where to find me should you want to grill me for my comments. ^_^ HUGS
schedule
May 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 5 is so freaking adorable! I do like Stick. Although, I am wondering if Cam's insistance that Jane hates her guts is a bit over the top? I mean, people fight in HS all the time- friends especially- and very seldom does one fight ever lead to hating a friends guts. Maybe if you explain exactly WHY she thinks Jane hates her guts (before Jane explains why she does) it would be a little less of a stretch.
schedule
May 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
OMG! Cam is just the most amazingly sarcastic witty thing in the WORLD> I love her to BITS! SO amazing. AHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm just so in AWE of how well you write woman! Even though I KNOW you write well, it just astounds me everytime I get pulled in to your stories (which would be anytime i read something of yours).
schedule
May 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Another amazing addition. I did catch one thing:
16th paragraph from the bottom (yes I DID count them) "...because I was concentrating hard on keeping the various girls in the hallway from noticing THAT Jack's presence." That shouldn't be there dear. ^_^
That's all I have...other than even more respect for you ever growing talent.
16th paragraph from the bottom (yes I DID count them) "...because I was concentrating hard on keeping the various girls in the hallway from noticing THAT Jack's presence." That shouldn't be there dear. ^_^
That's all I have...other than even more respect for you ever growing talent.
schedule
May 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
What do I think?
I think I can't believe I didn't start reading this when you first posted it because it's probably one of the most brilliant stories I've ever read here - seriously. I started laughing by the end of the very first paragraph of this story and the grin never left my face through all nine chapters. Your prose sparkles with wit, your dialogue is sharp and clever (such a hard thing to come by sometimes), your plot is fresh and exciting (another hard thing to find), and your characters are so wonderfully believable despite who/what they are and the situation they are in.
Even though I think it's great when people talk about specific parts of my story that they liked, and I try to do the same when reviewing, there are so many things that I love about this it would take me forever to name them all. I enjoy every single one of Cam's witty thoughts, comments, and side notes. The one phrase that sticks out the most in my mind (among the myriad of others that I loved), though, is the, "Procrastinating is just a negative view on prioritizing." I also love the way she calls her demon father "Pops" - for some reason that just tickles me.
Brilliant - I just can't say it enough. I'm eagerly looking forward to your next update.
~cu-kid
I think I can't believe I didn't start reading this when you first posted it because it's probably one of the most brilliant stories I've ever read here - seriously. I started laughing by the end of the very first paragraph of this story and the grin never left my face through all nine chapters. Your prose sparkles with wit, your dialogue is sharp and clever (such a hard thing to come by sometimes), your plot is fresh and exciting (another hard thing to find), and your characters are so wonderfully believable despite who/what they are and the situation they are in.
Even though I think it's great when people talk about specific parts of my story that they liked, and I try to do the same when reviewing, there are so many things that I love about this it would take me forever to name them all. I enjoy every single one of Cam's witty thoughts, comments, and side notes. The one phrase that sticks out the most in my mind (among the myriad of others that I loved), though, is the, "Procrastinating is just a negative view on prioritizing." I also love the way she calls her demon father "Pops" - for some reason that just tickles me.
Brilliant - I just can't say it enough. I'm eagerly looking forward to your next update.
~cu-kid
schedule
May 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I've read all nine chapters. I like the way the story is moving. I think the last 3 chapters show a lot more development of the characters that really add to the overall quality.
schedule
May 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love it.
Please continue!
Please continue!
schedule
May 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Oi! That was some ending! You'll have to bear with my repitition of the praise from your other reviewers.... This tale is phenomenal, from the acerbic and wry tone of the protagonist, the rapid-fire dialogue (the exchanges between Cam and Stick, and Cam and Marabell have me in hysterics each time), and the unique plot. You've taken something that could have seemed maudlin and even cliched from another writer, and totally made it your own. I can't wait to see what comes next!
schedule
April 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I don't have time to read anymore of this right now. But, the first chapter is brilliant. I shall return.
By the way, I am an editor with a publishing company. I'm qualified to tell you it's a brilliant start. ;)
KD
By the way, I am an editor with a publishing company. I'm qualified to tell you it's a brilliant start. ;)
KD
schedule
April 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Good chapter though i wished it had been longer. i liked the chaos she created. MORE SOON