rate_review Reviews

I'm a bit torn asunder at the contents of the most recent chapters. Don't hate Fen, though. Just can't find it in me. You've made the characters and their responses too plausible for me to usually get angry in a situation like that. If I seem dry, it's because I've removed myself emotionally from this. Too much pain and confusion.

Fen: I absolutely understand his behavior in many cases. I even understand his behavior in the Flats. Inhuman conditions inspire unthinkable behavior to survive. His own anger just made him more callous. Those things are very big psychological scars to grown and develop with, abandonment is no light thing, and to then have murder attempted against you back the man you feel you much turbulent emotion toward at a point in life that, even as you sit on the cusp of adulthood, you are still so much a child....I can't imagine it. Strangely, his treatment of Lugh, though shameful and tragic, made sense. Lugh idolized him and loved him when he'd been thrown away or had those he loved taken, but Fen needed to finally be master of his own fate in some way. He'd MAKE this work, he'd take care of Lugh and Lugh wouldn't leave him because where the hell else would he go? He may have loved Lugh, truly and sincerely, and Luch was sweet and kind, but he was also very weak. In such a merciless environment, it's hard to avoid bitterness when sheltering someone so timid, dependent, and fragile. That was the difference Fen described between Lugh and Aemira. I think a part of Fen resented what Lugh made him out to be, the center of his world, thus Fen both wanted and felt the obligation to care for him. Yet, Fen had no one to confide in because he wouldn't GIVE himself to anyone.

I even understood his reluctance to tell Ethan at the beginning. Firstly Ethan was emotionally and mentally disturbed and whose to say he would have been willing to listen to ANYTHING Fen had to say after that kind of revelation? Why would he, he didn't KNOW the man. After that, how do you bring this up to the person you hold most dear? That you caused them unimaginable pain through selfish, stupid actions? Now, was he still a coward for avoiding it as long as he did and so often? Yes, but in some ways I understand the initial two periods. I actually found Ethan's comment about being able to both fall for Ethan and moving past Lugh highly insulting. Particularly as Fen still clearly mourns him and his own actions against the pitiable man and had never loved him romantically. Grieving a person's passing does not make an individual incapable of growing love, neither does it devalue that person's memory nor the new, precious warmth the individual nurtures. If he was watching over him all that time, why wouldn't he have ample opportunity to see the beauty of Ethan and want to cherish it?

Ethan: Oh, Ethan....I totally understand why he'd upset that Fen kept it from him. It is a big and horrible thing to hold in for so long, but does it truly invalidate Fen's love? Naturally, intimacy is built by inviting one another in and sharing... things. Innocuous and otherwise. Didn't Fen say that everything he was today was a result of knowing Ethan? That his kindness and love were born of his fair-haired darling? A person is a result of their experiences. ALL of them. Those experiences, however, should never nullify the person him or herself. Does Ethan truly believe that the man Fen has been is some sort of cunning ruse or lie? Or is it more he doesn't doubt what Fen has shown is real and him, but how could he hope to know and understand the full scope of who Fen is when he persists in hiding it?

I wish I could write more, but I'm going on 24 hours without sleep and feel a bit woozy.

Oh, the ANGST!
Nacht

p.s. Gevi? Deserves a punch in the balls. Seriously. You wanna talk fucked-up individuals? There's a case study.

Wow.. thats a big argument... I hope things will patch up soon. And that dream... its like Fen's past is mixing into Eathan's dream.. Fen was a really bad boy before huh...

I was going to start my review with OMG! Then I saw your note. Haha! When I was new to AFF I sometimes did not know what to say even though I really loved a story. I wonder how Fen feels knowing that Ethan is snuggling up with Asterac in bed? I imagine that we will find out more about Asterac's past in the next chapter. PLEASE PLEASE don't let there be any sex between Ethan and Asterac! It would break my heart in two and kill me! Especially because I love Fen so much. I have always loved that he is not perfect and that he has some character flaws. He also has his moments of emotional instability. I know it will be hard for Ethan to forgive Fen but I hope he does not do anything rash or cruel in the mean time. Fen does not deserve anymore cruelty. I also understand why Gevi hates Fen. Lugo chose Fen over Gevi because Fen was stronger so I can see why Gevi wants to destroy Fen. I think if anyone deserves some horrible treatment, it should be the King. I can't believe that he is making demands on Fen after all that he has done - including trying to kill him. Incredible. Fen has been protecting people for so long. It is time for Ethan to protect Fen a little. It is also time for Fen to get rid of that collar so there can be some hot, steamy and even violent reunion sex. I'll take it all.

Wow, you were right; I needed tissues! What an emotional chapter; that must have been hard to write, although I think the last chapter w/Lugh and what happened to him must have been harder to write.

So poor Ethan finds out that the one person besides his famly he has ever loved, has betrayed him to some extent, lied to him (I guess that would be betrayal) and sought him out out of guilt. I do understand why Fen did it. I actually feel really bad for him b/c he really did love Lugh, but he put Lugh thru so much heartache w/all the drugs and such. Fen was so afraid of all his loved ones leaving him, that Lugh would leave him too. Unfortunately, in the end, Lugh did leave him.

So, in Ethan's dream, was it Aermetic(Ok, sorry, I know I really screwed up his spelling! Sorry!) he saw as the white mist? And what was the monster coming to get them?

I'm really glad you updated; I was actually thinking of this story the other day, b/c I hadn't read it in awhile. I give you so much credit; I can't imagine what it takes to map out a story like this, or actually any story, since I'm not an author! You have such a wonderful imagination and your writing is very good, with complex characters and wonderful descriptions.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I'm hoping that Ethan and Fen can find their way back to one another. I do believe Fen really does love Ethan as much as he says he does.

hope everything works out.... for everyone in the end....

I can't log on my y gal account since a very long time!
there's something wrong with the DNS. and I have no idea about what Maya explained about adding the hosts file - totally confused there -

So yea... hope you update here too ! X _ X

Oh hell no!!!!!!!!!! You can't just stop it at that!!!! How could......Fen.....his friend.....Ethan.....the king........why????? How?!?!?!
Oh gosh, this was an amazing, horrible, sad chapter!!! I can't believe that Fen grew up like that. I feel so sorry for him.... I see how he grew to be so mean and wanting to be hooked on drugs, but still.... I'm not sure whether I want to condone his actions or what.
Ethan must be feeling so much....
I had wondered if Fen had something to do with murdering Ethan's family. While I'm glad that he didn't directly kill them, I'm still upset at the fact that he could treat a friend/lover/whatever in such a horrible way.
I can't blame Ethan for thinking Fen is a traitor. Seeing Fen's background and how he grew up explains a lot, especially his reactions to Ethan's breakdowns when he talks about his family. He has such a dark history, I see why he never wanted to share it with Ethan.
What will Ethan do now though? He loves Fen!! And yes, this was a terrible truth revealed, but Ethan can't just go to hating Fen just like that!!! no matter what!!
Ugh, I hate the King even more though. He tried to kill Fen!? And he was most likely behind the death of Fen's mother.

There is so much more I want to say, but they are not nice things. You wrote an amzing, deep, heart trending chapter. It affected me to the point of tears. And now I want to read the next chapter so bad!!!!!!!!!!
I really hope you update again soon! I just cannot wait!! The anticipation is such a rush!
I look forward to your next chapter, and I just hope that Ethan comes to forgive Fen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love your story! The way you write, everything is just so good, and I dont care that your chapters are 2 miles long because it is so great that i never want to stop reading. You totally make my day when I see that a new chapter is up. Please keep writing and posting it on AFF, and as someone already said before me, you have some serious fans here!

Please don't stop! You're an awesome writer! So please please please DON'T STOP!... If you stop you'll make me cry!

Thanks for the new uploads. I love this story so much. I am so worried for Fen. I wonder if Ethan will be able to love him again. I don't think that what happened with Ethan's family was Fen's fault but I can understand that Ethan would feel differently. I think Fen has been given a horrible life. He has been betrayed by his own father. I still can't believe it. I can't believe that his father would expect him to come back and take the throne after murdering his mother and abandoning him as a child. I can understand Gevi's desire for revenge but he also owes Fen his life for that first rescue. Anyway, I just hope that Ethan will be able to forgive Fen when he calms down. I love both stories so I am off to read Lost and Found.