schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow. I really like this story. I like both the characters that you have created so far. I LOVED the sex scene this chapter. And I am really interested in seeing where this is going and exactly how far you plan on taking it, because I really hope you continue. I would like to know more about this creature and exactly what is going on. Besides great sex!
Update soon please!
Update soon please!
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
this is a good story keep going!!!!!!!
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
continue yes please! this is a great story i can't wait for more, I am always a bit wary about Anthro stories, however this one is going well. I am also a sucker for happy endings so I am looking out for that. The sex scene was great too.
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Really good start, will be looking out for updates ^_~
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really liked this story <3!
I love this kind of pair (StrongSemeXUke)and the plot is really good and the Sex scene was HOT <3
Fen sounds really pretty, too 8D I'll be waiting for an update~!
I love this kind of pair (StrongSemeXUke)and the plot is really good and the Sex scene was HOT <3
Fen sounds really pretty, too 8D I'll be waiting for an update~!
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Okay, I wrote a really long cooment and for some reason it just showed the first line. I don't know why it happened, but I'll avoid using things which aren't dots, commas or letters.
Anyway, the plot is great, I love this kind of pair, and Fen sounds really pretty. It's cool if it's like, 'I can only talk to you after fucking with you' thing, and Fen will talk a broken english. I'll be waiting for an update! ^_^
Anyway, the plot is great, I love this kind of pair, and Fen sounds really pretty. It's cool if it's like, 'I can only talk to you after fucking with you' thing, and Fen will talk a broken english. I'll be waiting for an update! ^_^
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
hehe, i like this story! please keep writing!
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow - that is one excellent story. I thought at first it was going to be a bit cliche, I admit, with the whole 'not yet a man but more than a boy' bit (just reminded me of a Britney song, lol) - but once it got going it really rocked. I just love the emotional imagery and the depth of the characters - it's really good, update soon you hear ;)
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Woow!!!!! THAT WAS HOT!!!!
An u say it's ur first time??? O___O
I really don't know what to say that could possibly help u improved!!
I was perfect! HOT!!
btw, is it a demon?? or something else??
Anyways, this is great! And I can't wait to read some more!!!
plz update again soon! *hugs*
An u say it's ur first time??? O___O
I really don't know what to say that could possibly help u improved!!
I was perfect! HOT!!
btw, is it a demon?? or something else??
Anyways, this is great! And I can't wait to read some more!!!
plz update again soon! *hugs*
schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ah, the tortured hot jailbait, trying desperately to keep from suicide in his mournful existence. Now, where have I seen THAT before....? I'm joking; cliches can be fun, especially when presented well with added twists.
Hot scene, but I do have a few opinions. Try not to begin every sentence with a noun or pronoun (Ethan, he, It, etc.) I can make the flow seem jerky, and perhaps combine sentences when applicable, it can cause lines in sex scenes to draw out luxuriously. Avoid explaining things, "He found himself not totally against the idea of letting the being have him.", try instead to imply it, like perhaps how "the hard heat branding his thigh and fleeting touches made heat pool in his stomach deliciously". Okay, so mine's a bit purple prose, but you get my meaning. OH! Better example! I'm sure you remember when Fen had laved attention on Ethan's neck, right? Well, instead of saying Ethan was afraid he was going to bite him in some ritual, etc., you might phrase it as sharp incisors grazed over the delicate skin of a pulse point, and Ethan tensed, pulse fluttering worriedly, before the searing mouth moved on. I'm NOT trying to showboat and get you to write like I do, just trying to convey concepts.
Back to the scene though. I liked the addition of fur, it made the ecounter have a tactile flavor that isn't always present. Perhaps it's me, but I kept having this mental concept of rabbit fur, only about a quarter inch thick, which would feel rather like velvet and be absolutely divine to touch. If I had a bed with a rabbit fur comforter and goosedown mattress, I'd never leave, and Ethan gets both in the form of hot, sexy demon/angel/man/gigalo/thing the lucky, little bastard. This is gonna sound weird, but sex, while not typically toturous(BDSM, anyone?), isn't super comfortable, and a little bit of pain often makes the pleasure that much more potent. Besides, considering how well-endowed Fen doubtlessly is, discomfort is neigh inevitable, and your use of "full" was incredibly apt.
Fun story, I'm enjoying it so far. You do write well, just wanted to toss in my piece as you'd asked. If I come off a know-it-all assclown, sorry, it's a gift.
Nacht
Hot scene, but I do have a few opinions. Try not to begin every sentence with a noun or pronoun (Ethan, he, It, etc.) I can make the flow seem jerky, and perhaps combine sentences when applicable, it can cause lines in sex scenes to draw out luxuriously. Avoid explaining things, "He found himself not totally against the idea of letting the being have him.", try instead to imply it, like perhaps how "the hard heat branding his thigh and fleeting touches made heat pool in his stomach deliciously". Okay, so mine's a bit purple prose, but you get my meaning. OH! Better example! I'm sure you remember when Fen had laved attention on Ethan's neck, right? Well, instead of saying Ethan was afraid he was going to bite him in some ritual, etc., you might phrase it as sharp incisors grazed over the delicate skin of a pulse point, and Ethan tensed, pulse fluttering worriedly, before the searing mouth moved on. I'm NOT trying to showboat and get you to write like I do, just trying to convey concepts.
Back to the scene though. I liked the addition of fur, it made the ecounter have a tactile flavor that isn't always present. Perhaps it's me, but I kept having this mental concept of rabbit fur, only about a quarter inch thick, which would feel rather like velvet and be absolutely divine to touch. If I had a bed with a rabbit fur comforter and goosedown mattress, I'd never leave, and Ethan gets both in the form of hot, sexy demon/angel/man/gigalo/thing the lucky, little bastard. This is gonna sound weird, but sex, while not typically toturous(BDSM, anyone?), isn't super comfortable, and a little bit of pain often makes the pleasure that much more potent. Besides, considering how well-endowed Fen doubtlessly is, discomfort is neigh inevitable, and your use of "full" was incredibly apt.
Fun story, I'm enjoying it so far. You do write well, just wanted to toss in my piece as you'd asked. If I come off a know-it-all assclown, sorry, it's a gift.
Nacht