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October 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
wow one of the best stories i ever read. please please continue!!!
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June 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I hope you plan to continue this... I like it. :)
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March 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is such a cute story >.<
I hope you write more soon!
I hope you write more soon!
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November 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh man! I love this story!! I really like the way you write!!
PlzPlz update soon!!! ><
PlzPlz update soon!!! ><
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August 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey, pretty good. Could you put a space between paragraphs? It makes it easier to read. The computer screen just ain't the best thing to read off of on a good day must less trying to read delicious and devilish vampire stories.
More chapters soon, please.
Kiix
More chapters soon, please.
Kiix
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August 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This actually seems to have possibilities. But please make a couple of corrections!
Switch your present tense verbs to past tense. Like when Kaden was trying to escape - "he stepped to the side," NOT "he steps to the side." (Conversely, if you MUST use present tense, do it consistently.)
Leave a space line between paragraphs. (Or indent the first sentence.)
Maybe you should try reading a few well-done fics to get the gist. Try some by Vivid White.
I know I must seem to be pouncing on you - but only because this story really does have great possibilities!
Switch your present tense verbs to past tense. Like when Kaden was trying to escape - "he stepped to the side," NOT "he steps to the side." (Conversely, if you MUST use present tense, do it consistently.)
Leave a space line between paragraphs. (Or indent the first sentence.)
Maybe you should try reading a few well-done fics to get the gist. Try some by Vivid White.
I know I must seem to be pouncing on you - but only because this story really does have great possibilities!