errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
August 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Yes!!!! Finally that jerk gets what he deserves! OOOO Can't wait to see what will happen next. I hope Casey will talk some sense into Moku since now I'm feeling sorry for Kaitou but seriously he should get a better stress release method or these types of incidences will continue occuring .....hoho :D
schedule
August 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Awesome work! Lobe Moku, but now I think he needs some loving again, especially from his bf! I look forward to more!
schedule
July 18, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Good work. I'll wait for more. :)
schedule
July 18, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I like the idea of a relationship between the two boys, I think there is a lot of room to explore there. I just feel that you haven't quite fleshed out each character yet. For instance I still don't know what Kaito looks like and it's the third ch. I know you said it hadn't been betad so I won't refer to the grammatical errors;however, I also think that the transition between thoughts and actions could be a bit smoother. Instead of telling us how he feels perhaps show us how he feels. Example, “You’re better yea?” Kaito went on, sounding like he was more of reassuring himself than asking me a question. Perhaps another way to get the same point across would be, "You're better, yeah?" Kaito said an obvious ploy to reassure himself.
You also asked for some plot ideas or comments. I like the way you are focused on the relationship more than external factors like bullies, muggers, homophobes, and rapes. Personally I think they've been over done. Perhaps you could go on with the silent relationship theme in that they don't talk to each other and this creates misunderstandings until Kaito is the one to finally break and explain where he's coming from to Moku. Just an idea of course if I wanted to read my idea I would have written a story of my own. So I look forward to whatever you choose to write.
You also asked for some plot ideas or comments. I like the way you are focused on the relationship more than external factors like bullies, muggers, homophobes, and rapes. Personally I think they've been over done. Perhaps you could go on with the silent relationship theme in that they don't talk to each other and this creates misunderstandings until Kaito is the one to finally break and explain where he's coming from to Moku. Just an idea of course if I wanted to read my idea I would have written a story of my own. So I look forward to whatever you choose to write.
schedule
July 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
GOOD FOR YOU MOKU!!!
This was great to read! And the length wasn't a problem at all, since you wrote a lot of intense work here! I look forward to more!
This was great to read! And the length wasn't a problem at all, since you wrote a lot of intense work here! I look forward to more!
schedule
July 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Enoying it so far, update soonish or wenever lol x
schedule
July 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Good story- keep it up! It's good how you get a better understanding of where the characters are coming from as you read on. Nice and angsty (if that's a real word..). I also like how you do the different POV's. Maybe you could throw in one from Casey as an outsider's POV, as he seems to know Kaito pretty well. Moku's gotta be my favourite character at the moment (*stupid expressionless face..* he he). Looking forward to more!
schedule
July 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
XD this is interesting!
Please update soon!
Please update soon!
schedule
July 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Kaito is a jerk! And Moku needs to leave him!
But only for a little bit! Just to get Kaito to really appreciate and feel sorry for what he did to his supposed lover. I mean, captain or not, he acted way out of line for someone who is supposed to be a lover!
Keep up the great work, I look forward to more of this!
But only for a little bit! Just to get Kaito to really appreciate and feel sorry for what he did to his supposed lover. I mean, captain or not, he acted way out of line for someone who is supposed to be a lover!
Keep up the great work, I look forward to more of this!
schedule
June 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I want more! I think the chapters could be longer and a bit more detailed. I would like to read more. But update soon :D