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March 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
It's not bad
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November 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I would personally love it if you continued writing
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November 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
so far, so good! hope you update soon, 'cause i really wanna know what happens to Xia and the others.
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October 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow, that went from from a variety of hot, twisted, fked up, creepy, and sporaticly violent in 5 chapters! Congrats! To be quite honest I don't like the magic bit, but thats just because everythign else is "real" to a point, and the magic seems a tad, thrown in there.
4/5 :D
4/5 :D
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October 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Xia seems like a true sadist, and story should be appreciated by those who like rape fics.
You should keep in mind though, that without the intervention of quick and extensive medical care the character Rose should have died of her injuries, or at least been mutilated for life.
Also, it seems unrealistic that Rose would harbor any loyalty to Xia. Given all she has gone through Rose should be desperate to escape or have her revenge on Xia.
You should keep in mind though, that without the intervention of quick and extensive medical care the character Rose should have died of her injuries, or at least been mutilated for life.
Also, it seems unrealistic that Rose would harbor any loyalty to Xia. Given all she has gone through Rose should be desperate to escape or have her revenge on Xia.
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September 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Let's try some paragraph formatting, shall we?
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September 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
It's fine, but I think it could have been more thought out. Next time you write a fic, try and put a real storyline into it, so the readers actually get into the fic. What you're writing now is just plain sex. It gets boring to read after a while.
K.Villanite
K.Villanite
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August 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
hot, and great, but what would have been cooler was to have the guy fucking rose in the ass use lube to get in (cause it's really hard to go bareback to start) then have it disolved, then she would have been in more pain then bleed.
other then that, perfect
other then that, perfect
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July 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Very intersting story hopp it keep s going.
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July 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Whoa! A mansion themed fic, nice! Though I'm gonna be careful and avoid the M/M, as to a guy, it's just plain wrong but that doesn't mean you can't write it only it would really turn off readers like me. Hmm...reading this has made me remember about several other erotica fics I started long ago but never continued...?