schedule
June 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well I got the feeling that Frederick really was an ass. Why did he kill his mother? If it was just to die, there are other ways to do that. Still, I'm ready for chapter 2 (or chapter 1 if you do make this into a prologue)
Yes, spacing. I'm thankful that this was a small offering, so I didn't get lost, but remember, we are reading off of computer screens and it can be a little hard on the eyes and concentration. If you put an extra space between the paragraphs it makes things a little better.
Congratulations on your first posting! YAH!
As a fellow writer, I am ever so grateful for my reviews and I feel the need to tell those who have taken the time to read and to post reviews thank you. It can be a parasitic relationship. That sounds icky, I know, but your readers can offer up great advice, ask questions that force you to think and explore areas you might not have considered which in turn makes your writing better. If they feel appreciated.
So great work. Keep an eye on your spacing and readership and everything should be fine.
Next chapter, please.
Kiix
Yes, spacing. I'm thankful that this was a small offering, so I didn't get lost, but remember, we are reading off of computer screens and it can be a little hard on the eyes and concentration. If you put an extra space between the paragraphs it makes things a little better.
Congratulations on your first posting! YAH!
As a fellow writer, I am ever so grateful for my reviews and I feel the need to tell those who have taken the time to read and to post reviews thank you. It can be a parasitic relationship. That sounds icky, I know, but your readers can offer up great advice, ask questions that force you to think and explore areas you might not have considered which in turn makes your writing better. If they feel appreciated.
So great work. Keep an eye on your spacing and readership and everything should be fine.
Next chapter, please.
Kiix
schedule
June 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Thankyou guys the reviews are welcomed
schedule
June 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Congrats on posting your first chapter of your first published story. (Published here, anyway. ;P )
I'll be gentle as possible, but I will still be honest. :)
There were a few spelling mistakes here and there, but nothing absolutely major, just a read through would probably help you catch those pesky ones. The paragraphs and dialogue could use some MAJOR spacing. It's not as if it's all confusing, it's just that it makes it difficult on the eyes to read stuff that's so scrunched up.
For a first chapter, it's a little too...vague. I'm left wondering how we really got to this point. Perhaps making it a Prologue, a teasing Prologue at that may help. You can then possibly go into explanations in your first chapter.
I also didn't get much of a feel for where this trial is taking place. Is it in a regular looking room, a lavish antiquated, vaulted ceiling throne room? You have to paint pictures with your words since we readers have absolutely nothing else to go by. I would suggest putting yourself in a role as a director. Look at the scene through your, "lense" and think about what you want your reader to notice, other than the main conflict at hand.
It's a catchy first chapter, I would get people's attention to keep reading your fic, but you need to put in a little more love, so that they see the scene as you see it.
I hope this proves helpful. If you have any comments about what I said or anything, feel free to e-mail me. :) I hope that wasn't too painful, overall, I think your fic has potential.
Adara G.
I'll be gentle as possible, but I will still be honest. :)
There were a few spelling mistakes here and there, but nothing absolutely major, just a read through would probably help you catch those pesky ones. The paragraphs and dialogue could use some MAJOR spacing. It's not as if it's all confusing, it's just that it makes it difficult on the eyes to read stuff that's so scrunched up.
For a first chapter, it's a little too...vague. I'm left wondering how we really got to this point. Perhaps making it a Prologue, a teasing Prologue at that may help. You can then possibly go into explanations in your first chapter.
I also didn't get much of a feel for where this trial is taking place. Is it in a regular looking room, a lavish antiquated, vaulted ceiling throne room? You have to paint pictures with your words since we readers have absolutely nothing else to go by. I would suggest putting yourself in a role as a director. Look at the scene through your, "lense" and think about what you want your reader to notice, other than the main conflict at hand.
It's a catchy first chapter, I would get people's attention to keep reading your fic, but you need to put in a little more love, so that they see the scene as you see it.
I hope this proves helpful. If you have any comments about what I said or anything, feel free to e-mail me. :) I hope that wasn't too painful, overall, I think your fic has potential.
Adara G.