schedule
June 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ok, I know I should be rooting for Penny, but I feel for the poor captain... Yeah, I'm strange I know... I have a feeling he's not such a bastard... good work. :)
schedule
June 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ok, so Penny is rather rauchy!!! I didn't see this coming, thinking she was naive and innocent... poor, poor Carl and soon enough poor, poor captain...
A few suggestions and please take them as such, because I have no intention in flaming you... it would be a bit better for the format of your story and the convenience of your readers to use double spacing when you download it on the site and second, try not to use the name Penny too much, especially in small sentences. For example, quoting some sentences from the 4th chapter: The captain started to walk slowly towards Penny. Penny did not want to be anywhere near him. “Stay away from me.” Penny said as he got closer. Try using a different word for Penny, like she etc. especially when you use it for connecting small consecutive sentences.
I meant the above in the nicest way, because I really like your story and I hope I didn't offend you. :)
A few suggestions and please take them as such, because I have no intention in flaming you... it would be a bit better for the format of your story and the convenience of your readers to use double spacing when you download it on the site and second, try not to use the name Penny too much, especially in small sentences. For example, quoting some sentences from the 4th chapter: The captain started to walk slowly towards Penny. Penny did not want to be anywhere near him. “Stay away from me.” Penny said as he got closer. Try using a different word for Penny, like she etc. especially when you use it for connecting small consecutive sentences.
I meant the above in the nicest way, because I really like your story and I hope I didn't offend you. :)
schedule
June 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oooh, the captain is so cruel!!! I hope Penny will give him hell... although in her current position, I don't see how it can be done...
schedule
June 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey there!
Even if it's only a few chapters long, I have to say that I like your story a lot. It has a lot of potential and it was quite funny at the end of chapter two, when she corrected the captain about her given choices.
About the character of Penny... I don't know if you wanted to pass her for naive, but she certainly sounded like one to me. Mind you that I'm not saying that like it's a bad thing. I do get that in those times (and I suppose you put your story in the past, perhaps somewhere between the 16th and 18th centuries) the role of women was more "conventional" and I can understand how a young adventurous woman wanted to fully live life, but I would expect her to be a bit more careful when making choices like the ones she did and behaving like that.
On the other hand, perhaps you presented her as being fearless and I got it all wrong. Sorry, if that is the case.:)
However, I do understand that through her behaviour and actions you show to your readers the character of your heroine, which I happen to like very much.
I like the fact that she is adventurous, she has spunk and she is not afraid to express her opinion even if she is under danger (and that is why I called her naive... talking back to a pirate on a ship full of other pirates when she's in the position she currently is, is not the smartest move).
Bottom line, I really enjoyed the first two chapters of your story and can't wait for the rest. Personally, I like your writing and think you did a good job for a first story. :)
Even if it's only a few chapters long, I have to say that I like your story a lot. It has a lot of potential and it was quite funny at the end of chapter two, when she corrected the captain about her given choices.
About the character of Penny... I don't know if you wanted to pass her for naive, but she certainly sounded like one to me. Mind you that I'm not saying that like it's a bad thing. I do get that in those times (and I suppose you put your story in the past, perhaps somewhere between the 16th and 18th centuries) the role of women was more "conventional" and I can understand how a young adventurous woman wanted to fully live life, but I would expect her to be a bit more careful when making choices like the ones she did and behaving like that.
On the other hand, perhaps you presented her as being fearless and I got it all wrong. Sorry, if that is the case.:)
However, I do understand that through her behaviour and actions you show to your readers the character of your heroine, which I happen to like very much.
I like the fact that she is adventurous, she has spunk and she is not afraid to express her opinion even if she is under danger (and that is why I called her naive... talking back to a pirate on a ship full of other pirates when she's in the position she currently is, is not the smartest move).
Bottom line, I really enjoyed the first two chapters of your story and can't wait for the rest. Personally, I like your writing and think you did a good job for a first story. :)