rate_review Reviews

I looooove your forword, thanks for giving us a small taste of what is to come!

Hey, foxy! I'm back to review. I had to read Enfer's story of course, lol. I think the first ch. should be entitled "teaser" rather than Foreword because that's exactly what it does, lol. >< Forewords generally begin or involve the story in some way. But very interesting start so far. I really like that you gave the mer~ er, culture a unique personality, etc. I think giving them a new name might have been unnecessarily confusing. History has already named them sea nymphs, mermaids, nereids, sea sprites, and so on, but maybe you wanted to set your mer girls apart, make them your own.

Anyway, we can definitely imagine the main charrie as a mermaid. She has that elusive, ethereal quality about her, like she'll slip out your grasp. Good job. The mer guys were fascinating, lol. I've got to tell you they're probably the only believeable hot mermen I've read in a while. xD It's hard to make mermen very masculine, but you've done it, lol. Good job.

Re: Marina (heh, Marina) and her romp in the water, I think her reaction's not only plausible but adds to the story. It gives her human weaknesses and the audience can relate better. Although that scene did make the same mistake that I've seen in most underwater scenes. I mean, can a person actually kneel while treading water, or hold still for that matter? xD Try not to write the sex as if it were on land. It probably won't be the same and it shouldn't. Have fun with it.

The relationship with Thackeray and Marina is very dynamic and sweet. ("Fairy girl.")Thackeray's a real charmer. He's the perfect man to complete the "love triangle," so to speak. Nicely done. Also, I really like that you didn't overdo the pirate cliche. It's everywhere now, so thanks very much for sparing your readers that. It's smart to take advantage of the sudden interest in pirates though. ^.~ I'm totally with you on that.

As to the writing, I think at points, it gets a little florid, maybe too embellished. Your stories tend to have an underlying romantic character, and I like that, but every description doesn't have to be poetry or metaphor, lol. You know what I mean? Good writing means variable writing. Change it up with short and long sentences. It sounds like a lot, but it's not. It's a new story so there will be bumps. I see you improving as you go though, and you're doing great. Great stuff, keep it up! ^^

Btw, I love, love, *love* that hair color on Thackeray. It's my fave (when it's natural, lol).

Good beginning for this story, still have lots of places to go, you just gotta love sci-fi. Hope you continue on and please finish Beast's Mate.

i like the idea of your water fey very much
very interesting
cant wait to see her meet enfer
will he be able to deal with her... watery-ishness? lol

That was amazing it shall certainly do as a replacement, and it doesn't seem to have that rockyness that the start of Beast's Mate had its alot smoother with your story flow the Mermen were a pretty interesting addition i can't wait until you finish Beast's Mate and you can finally start to write this story

I need another chapter!!!!!!!

Niice... it shall do nicely as a replacement after Beast's mate is finished :)

ahh! I like the beginning of this story soooooo much better than beast's mate!!! and I think the etire story line is so much more interesting so far and I really like how you dont give you charcters outlandish huge powers theyre just a little bit more than human with all the same weaknesses it makes it so much easier to relate to your stories!! update soon!!!!

Ok, you know how much I enjoy Beast's Mate. So, I have only one word to describe how I feel about you starting this story: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice song, your so creative i like your new summary too