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May 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Please do continue, the two first chapters aren't bad so...
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May 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Interesting start!
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May 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like the idea, but you should elaborate more. What do they have? Why? Who is these 'guys'. And all of that, also lets try to get more background on our characters, more names and history. We don't even know what they look like!
Chapters could be a lot longer and more detailed.
If you try to work on these things, your story will be really great. Like I said, the idea sounds awesome, it just needs more development.
Chapters could be a lot longer and more detailed.
If you try to work on these things, your story will be really great. Like I said, the idea sounds awesome, it just needs more development.
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May 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Great beginning
but please please write more!
but please please write more!
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May 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey, I REALLY like the story line... can't wait to hear more from you...
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May 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
oh i do hope to see more
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May 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
chapter one.
Ok the summary immediately caught my attention. I liked the back and forth between the two men and feel very simpathetic towards Jesse.
Ok the summary immediately caught my attention. I liked the back and forth between the two men and feel very simpathetic towards Jesse.
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May 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chpater two.
Could you add a small physical descrition of Jesse and the counselor(if he's going to be an important character that is). I look forward to your next chapter.
Could you add a small physical descrition of Jesse and the counselor(if he's going to be an important character that is). I look forward to your next chapter.
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May 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
oh so good love wfere its going cant wait for more
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May 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
CHAPTER 2
Hi Kabi,
Welcome to Slash section! Nice to have you here.
Pretty good start on your story, I like the plot already.
It would be nice to have a bit about what Jesse and Brackman look like and how old they are. So far I am unable to visualise them. I do like the dialog:)
Good luck on your first fic:D
Hi Kabi,
Welcome to Slash section! Nice to have you here.
Pretty good start on your story, I like the plot already.
It would be nice to have a bit about what Jesse and Brackman look like and how old they are. So far I am unable to visualise them. I do like the dialog:)
Good luck on your first fic:D