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August 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OMFG how sad, snoffle sniffle ;{ Those bastards ;[ anywho keep writting ;)
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August 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Thanks for the chapter! I wonder what's going to happen to Havar and Jesse. The line where Jesse says that they look "like the end of [his] freedom" was really striking too, as well as the bit concerning Honesty and Grant. Hope to see more soon.
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August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
for some reason i love how fucked up this story is... supose it makes my life seem better, how morbid
anyway that was cool... a bit short but still cool, update soon!
anyway that was cool... a bit short but still cool, update soon!
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August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
God, damn. I don't know how I missed the update you apparently did oh-so-long-ago, but hell, woman.
The chapter involving Soria, well-placed, I thought it was a good note to include, escpecially all of the focus on things of comfort.
The chapter following, where he met Michael, made me worry. He seemed so docile, I was worried that part of him'd been broken. Now, with the next few chapters, you can see it's mainly the lingering reminder of what happened. Jesse''s hate for this, his defiance of it, is still there, but recovering from more than the bruises takes a bit of time. My first gleam of hope was when he felt nauseated about the letter and leaf bit. Glad to see his spitfire a bit when Vichy and Tega were asking him about it, he can't lose that.
Havar seems an interesting new layer to your story, can't wait to see.
Honesty and Grant. I dont' know what to say, except that it was so tragic and so painful and so something that that damned hell-hole of a place would cover-up and ignore.
Thrilled to see you're back, but somewhat rushed for time(that's why the review is kind of bulleted and brief)
Nacht
The chapter involving Soria, well-placed, I thought it was a good note to include, escpecially all of the focus on things of comfort.
The chapter following, where he met Michael, made me worry. He seemed so docile, I was worried that part of him'd been broken. Now, with the next few chapters, you can see it's mainly the lingering reminder of what happened. Jesse''s hate for this, his defiance of it, is still there, but recovering from more than the bruises takes a bit of time. My first gleam of hope was when he felt nauseated about the letter and leaf bit. Glad to see his spitfire a bit when Vichy and Tega were asking him about it, he can't lose that.
Havar seems an interesting new layer to your story, can't wait to see.
Honesty and Grant. I dont' know what to say, except that it was so tragic and so painful and so something that that damned hell-hole of a place would cover-up and ignore.
Thrilled to see you're back, but somewhat rushed for time(that's why the review is kind of bulleted and brief)
Nacht
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August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Okay, I just reviewed, I know, but I have a bit more time, and while I'm not going to gab and try and rephrase anything I mentioned before, I just wanted to say bit more.
Michael doesn't seem like a bad guy, but then again, excluding his friendship to Sloane's keeper, James didn't either. And I'd like to add, that had you not given us that snippet of conversation between Bastard one and Bastard two in the chapter prior to Ortega's violation, we'dThe leaf seemed interesting and unique, but I wouldn't trust it as far as I could throw him, don't we remember James' false sentiments and gestures with that damn teddy-bear?
Okay, this is regarding Havar. He he was cleaning himself, he mentioned a soreness in his "penis and female enterance", and I wanted to clarify, was he refering to his anus or an actual vagina? You see, from what I'd been led to understand, the Change was internal, with no real alteration of physical form that were immediately visible(i.e. no one can see a uterus), except perhaps some mild ones caused by hormones. I say this because, while mildly hermaphroditic, no one ever mentioned(aka Jesse never tossed out) the appearance of actual woman bits, and, when raped, Ortega was penetrated in his rear. I was therefore puzzled by this, but reasoned that Havar may have called his derrier such due to the Change and his understanding of what it now represented and that that was the reason for the tenderness, instead of there being a second orfice....did that make sense?
I can't bring myself to say "ass" in such clinical contexts >__<
Nacht
Michael doesn't seem like a bad guy, but then again, excluding his friendship to Sloane's keeper, James didn't either. And I'd like to add, that had you not given us that snippet of conversation between Bastard one and Bastard two in the chapter prior to Ortega's violation, we'dThe leaf seemed interesting and unique, but I wouldn't trust it as far as I could throw him, don't we remember James' false sentiments and gestures with that damn teddy-bear?
Okay, this is regarding Havar. He he was cleaning himself, he mentioned a soreness in his "penis and female enterance", and I wanted to clarify, was he refering to his anus or an actual vagina? You see, from what I'd been led to understand, the Change was internal, with no real alteration of physical form that were immediately visible(i.e. no one can see a uterus), except perhaps some mild ones caused by hormones. I say this because, while mildly hermaphroditic, no one ever mentioned(aka Jesse never tossed out) the appearance of actual woman bits, and, when raped, Ortega was penetrated in his rear. I was therefore puzzled by this, but reasoned that Havar may have called his derrier such due to the Change and his understanding of what it now represented and that that was the reason for the tenderness, instead of there being a second orfice....did that make sense?
I can't bring myself to say "ass" in such clinical contexts >__<
Nacht
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August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
DAMMIT! "Conversation between Bastard one and Bastard two prior to Ortega's violation, we'd" have been as uninformed and open to speculation as with Michael.
WHY can't I type today?
WHY can't I type today?
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August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Questions, questions, questions...alright, so I've been slacking a bit lately - call it a summer slump - but I'm back now.
Bookworm51485 2007-07-03
I just had a thought. Will the carriers have baby girls or will they all be boys, carriers or not? And if they do have girls, will the girls be sterile? And if they have boy-carriers, will they be enrolled in this carrier program from very young? Or will they just be allowed relatively normal lives?
The carriers generally have boys; some are born carriers, some are just regular. Most of the female embryos miscarry - all who survive are sterile. Boy carriers start the program at a sort-of-young age; there's no standard, as it's at the discretion of the parents; more specifically, the discretion of the father.
cfweber1b 2007-07-17
why did Jesse's mom give him the musicbox?? and...hasnt anyone noticed that the carriers are all being matched up with underlings and not officers
more please!
She gave him the box to remind him of her and of home. And they're not underlings; Sloane's fiancé, Clint, is an officer, as is James. They're not top rank, certainly, but they're not scrub-level. Whether they gained those positions by merit or by other means is another issue entirely.
Nacht Kind 2007-08-16
Okay, this is regarding Havar. He he was cleaning himself, he mentioned a soreness in his "penis and female enterance", and I wanted to clarify, was he refering to his anus or an actual vagina? You see, from what I'd been led to understand, the Change was internal, with no real alteration of physical form that were immediately visible (i.e. no one can see a uterus), except perhaps some mild ones caused by hormones. I say this because, while mildly hermaphroditic, no one ever mentioned (aka Jesse never tossed out) the appearance of actual woman bits, and, when raped, Ortega was penetrated in his rear. I was therefore puzzled by this, but reasoned that Havar may have called his derrier such due to the Change and his understanding of what it now represented and that that was the reason for the tenderness, instead of there being a second orfice....did that make sense?
So clearly I'm a shoddy writer; I forgot I hadn't really directly discussed that yet - almost all the carriers are visible hermaphrodites, so they have male and female organs (in varying degrees of operation), sans testes. Tega actually doesn't get done in the rear - I guess I was a little vague cuz I was distracted by my scenery. He's getting raped like a woman.
Bookworm51485 2007-07-03
I just had a thought. Will the carriers have baby girls or will they all be boys, carriers or not? And if they do have girls, will the girls be sterile? And if they have boy-carriers, will they be enrolled in this carrier program from very young? Or will they just be allowed relatively normal lives?
The carriers generally have boys; some are born carriers, some are just regular. Most of the female embryos miscarry - all who survive are sterile. Boy carriers start the program at a sort-of-young age; there's no standard, as it's at the discretion of the parents; more specifically, the discretion of the father.
cfweber1b 2007-07-17
why did Jesse's mom give him the musicbox?? and...hasnt anyone noticed that the carriers are all being matched up with underlings and not officers
more please!
She gave him the box to remind him of her and of home. And they're not underlings; Sloane's fiancé, Clint, is an officer, as is James. They're not top rank, certainly, but they're not scrub-level. Whether they gained those positions by merit or by other means is another issue entirely.
Nacht Kind 2007-08-16
Okay, this is regarding Havar. He he was cleaning himself, he mentioned a soreness in his "penis and female enterance", and I wanted to clarify, was he refering to his anus or an actual vagina? You see, from what I'd been led to understand, the Change was internal, with no real alteration of physical form that were immediately visible (i.e. no one can see a uterus), except perhaps some mild ones caused by hormones. I say this because, while mildly hermaphroditic, no one ever mentioned (aka Jesse never tossed out) the appearance of actual woman bits, and, when raped, Ortega was penetrated in his rear. I was therefore puzzled by this, but reasoned that Havar may have called his derrier such due to the Change and his understanding of what it now represented and that that was the reason for the tenderness, instead of there being a second orfice....did that make sense?
So clearly I'm a shoddy writer; I forgot I hadn't really directly discussed that yet - almost all the carriers are visible hermaphrodites, so they have male and female organs (in varying degrees of operation), sans testes. Tega actually doesn't get done in the rear - I guess I was a little vague cuz I was distracted by my scenery. He's getting raped like a woman.
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August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
damn girl thank you for the updates soo stoked. i can still see tega deteriorating and i just can't help but feel my heart break. and this michael i just hope he is as he appears to be. and one last thing i love your story, so happy you updated, but maybe please could we get some castrating style justice for on the pricks who ruined tega and sloane. i think that will be my x-mas wish this year.
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August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Just short of being reviewer 100:'( Oh well.
This new batch of chapters was interesting, dramatic. Poor Grant. It's sad that they have no choice in their lives. Because Honesty and Grant are both carriers, they can't be together. It's funny, I never really even thought of that as an option but now this is just one more thing. It's like when you reach the point where life really sucks but you settle a bit, find what 'happiness' you can and then it's just one more thing. That's like what this story feels like.
I hope at least Jesse's thing will work out with Michael. I mean seriously, things seem to be going horribly for all of them. Ortega was raped, impregnated and now being forced to marry the man who raped him. Vichy, if I remember right, isn't marrying a bad guy just one he doesn't love. Honesty and Grant were together but now Honesty's been taken away and Grant killed himself. Sloane (as much as I dislike him) is stuck in an abusive relationship. And now we have a new character it seems, Havar. What's going to happen to him. His squad (if that's what you'd call it and he's in the military like he seems to be) will find out that he's changed and gang rape him? Hopefully whatever it is won't be that dramatic and devastating.
So yeah, hopefully, Jesse and Michael will turn out well. Hopefully if he opens himself up he'll find he can really love Michael, and hopefully Michael will prove to be a nice guy, not just pretend to be one like Ortega's guy.
This new batch of chapters was interesting, dramatic. Poor Grant. It's sad that they have no choice in their lives. Because Honesty and Grant are both carriers, they can't be together. It's funny, I never really even thought of that as an option but now this is just one more thing. It's like when you reach the point where life really sucks but you settle a bit, find what 'happiness' you can and then it's just one more thing. That's like what this story feels like.
I hope at least Jesse's thing will work out with Michael. I mean seriously, things seem to be going horribly for all of them. Ortega was raped, impregnated and now being forced to marry the man who raped him. Vichy, if I remember right, isn't marrying a bad guy just one he doesn't love. Honesty and Grant were together but now Honesty's been taken away and Grant killed himself. Sloane (as much as I dislike him) is stuck in an abusive relationship. And now we have a new character it seems, Havar. What's going to happen to him. His squad (if that's what you'd call it and he's in the military like he seems to be) will find out that he's changed and gang rape him? Hopefully whatever it is won't be that dramatic and devastating.
So yeah, hopefully, Jesse and Michael will turn out well. Hopefully if he opens himself up he'll find he can really love Michael, and hopefully Michael will prove to be a nice guy, not just pretend to be one like Ortega's guy.
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August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Sorry to review again, ended my review too soon because I forgot what else I wanted to say but now I remember. I was going to comment on the shortness of ch 17 in that I think it's perfect being that short, instead of more being added to the end or it being added to the end of ch 16. I think the effect of just that made Grant's suicide have that much more of an impact.
And thanks for the answers, they definitely help.
And thanks for the answers, they definitely help.