schedule
May 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Mitts
Hey there....You're started again, well done...Nice to see you've made the chapters longer too..
The only thing I will pick up on though, is that now, I can see where you've made a big mistake...
You start the first half of the story, telling it from Lantons point of view, using the word 'I' and addressing the reader in person...But then, suddenly, half way through, you've added chapter two, and its now become a story 'about' Lanton...Its a confusion of first person, third person...
I think you have to decide, which way you want to do this story. A mixture of the two like that isn't good....
But please, don't stop writing...Your style has definately improved, and I look forward to seeing what you've done with the next bit....
Hey there....You're started again, well done...Nice to see you've made the chapters longer too..
The only thing I will pick up on though, is that now, I can see where you've made a big mistake...
You start the first half of the story, telling it from Lantons point of view, using the word 'I' and addressing the reader in person...But then, suddenly, half way through, you've added chapter two, and its now become a story 'about' Lanton...Its a confusion of first person, third person...
I think you have to decide, which way you want to do this story. A mixture of the two like that isn't good....
But please, don't stop writing...Your style has definately improved, and I look forward to seeing what you've done with the next bit....