AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Happy Birthday

by kateridemonica

person Shay
schedule December 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really love your writing but you need paragraphs. Badly. Otherwise it's hard to read.

Don't take that as a criticism of your work or of you as an author, but please fix that:-)
person Anon
schedule July 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
chaptered 3 ??
person Slinki
schedule May 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
last chapter? no more?
person Iyasu
schedule May 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey! I want the next chapter! You're leaving me in suspense here!
person Slinki
schedule May 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ok, that's just plain cruel. You're going to leave me with a cliffi like that? (0_o)
schedule May 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I thought I reviewed the first chapter. I guess not, so I'll review both.

Your sense of imagery is superb and the way you write obviously states that you have amazing talent. The thoughts of the characters in the second chapter were easy to visualize, and the characters themselves seemed plausible.

Good job. I want to see how this finishes out.
person Chinook
schedule May 2, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Very good beginning. I don't know at this point if the girl on the bed is a willing or unwilling participant! Can hardly wait for further instalments.