rate_review Reviews

omg i love this story
very! ewll written
i really lke your charictors
i need (or i will die from anticapation)
you to write # 10
life or death situation
:O

I really love this couple!! It's so hot and adorable at the same time...if that makes sense lol. I hope things work out for them. Thanks for sharing. 8D

First, let me say that I had lost this story a long time ago and just found it again! :P I can't remember whether I've ever reviewed for it; I can be kind of bad about that kind of thing. Anyway, it is very interesting and well-written, though there are a few mechanical problems in the grammar or writing. Not issues that are hard to fix. One particular thing about the latest chapter is the fact that I noticed multiple places where you seem to have written the wrong name. We have some identity-confused characters! So, I will take the liberty of giving you the exact places below:

"Instead of joining Chay in front of the lockers" - should be "Ren" instead of "Chay"

"Slipping into the staff restroom Ren flicked on the light" - should be "Slipping into the staff restroom, Chay flicked on the light"

"It was only with Ren that darker things came out" - should be "Chay" instead of "Ren"

"Ren frowned at the endearment" - should be "Chay" instead of "Ren"

"The words pushed Ren closer to the edges" - should be "Chay" instead of "Ren" (and maybe "edge" instead of "edges"?)

"Ren nearly screamed as incredible" - should be "Chay" instead of "Ren"

"Ren pushed against the bigger man’s chest" - should be "Chay" instead of "Ren"

So, there you have it! :) I know this review is super long now, but I figured I'd save you the trouble of searching for the errors (they can be difficult to spot when you're checking your own writing, as I'm sure you know). I hope you continue the good work, and I look forward to reading more about Chay and Ren!

Yay, I've been waiting for this update forever! Thanks for the new chapter. I love it and can't wait to read about their first date!

Oh my god! *flails* This is my new fave story! You are so good at pacing and plot! I just love DOM dominates too. Its not usual in stories for the dom to be younger like Ren is, so I appreciate that novelty, I think it just highlights his Top tendencies even more. And I enjoyed the clever bit about Ren's like of all things Western, he probly sees himself as one of those cowboys, and Chay is his hot lil indian LOL. So the point I'm trying to get to is: PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!! :-)

Yay new chapter!!! I'm dying to read about they're weekend together now. Part of me feels bad for Chay, whether or not he wants it deep down, the stress of it all seems to be waring on him. Poor guy. But Ren is just so diabolical, and authoritative it's hard not to want him to torment Chay, because it's just so fun to read (not to mention hot!). The story is brilliant, can't wait for more

So glad to see an update to the story!!! I love it... Such sexual tension!! Thanks for sharing!!

This is one of my favorite stories right now, and every update makes my heart stop, i absolutely love it.

EEEE! This is AWESOME. I love this story, and I think Ren is a good guy.... just aggressive. I like the completely sub/dom relationships. They're hot. Chay is cute. I love that name! Chay... it fits him.
1
This is a great story. I love it so far, and I can't wait for more! Update soon!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!!!!I am really loving this story. I like how Ren talks to Chay and I LOVE how he takes control with him. Chay and Ren are PERFECT in this! Give me more! Please?