rate_review Reviews

Chapter 1,

Hey this is a great beginning! You have described the house so well, I can see it in my mind. “There were broken beer bottles littered across the floor, fast food bags, cigarette butts, a teddy bear with its head missing, a few condoms, a busted up stereo, and a beanie bag that was infested with maggots.” Oh yuk, especially with the smell of vomit and shit. What a horrible place!!

Of course that really says a lot about your main character if she thinks this disgusting broken down house is better than her home. Her father must be horrible. Poor thing, I really feel sorry for her.

Anyway great job!!!

Chapter 2

You certainly have a true gift for description! The way you describe Crowley is amazing! I like his room too. But they have got to get rid of that bug-infested beanbag. Maggots are disgusting and they turn into flies, which make more maggots. Yuk!!

I do like Crowley though and he doesn’t seem to be bad a guy. Of course I suspect he is a drug dealer, but of course everybody has to earn a living. That was nice of him to offer Bea his bed. Now I have to find out what the screams are! I’m glad I don’t have to wait to find out what is happening.

Chapter 3

Wow, so Bea just killed that guy with her pocket blade. I get the feeling she has a lot of pent in rage about her father, that’s why she became so unglued. Of course it doesn’t seem like Crowley really minds. In fact I think he may admire her more for it.

That’s cool that they have come to a little understanding between them. He seems more sympathetic towards Bea now that he knows she was raped by her father. I think it is cool that he is going to let her stay. I like this little relationship that is developing between them. Crowley is a cool character!

I am moving along now to the next chapter. :D

Chapter 4


Well that was nice how you got Dad out of the way. He certainly is quite the hypocrite isn’t he? First he rapes his daughter, than calls her a slut for getting pregnant! Good riddance! That is sad about Bea’s mom though. I guess Bea is really on her own now! I’m glad she has Crowley. Great Chapter! It was a bit short, but I don’t think it needed to be any longer.

Chapter 5

So Crowley has a grumpy side and he yelled at Bea. Actually I think that just makes him more, well rounded. Everyone has a temper. And he did tell her she would have to run errands so this really shouldn’t come as a surprise.

The neighborhood sounds so creepy. Your really do, do a good job with creating a dark atmosphere. You seem to be good at leaving cliffhangers too. I’m glad I get to read this all at once. I get the feeling though that I am going to be left hanging when I get to chapter 8.

Hi Cara,

I actually finished your story all in one night, and I thought it was great! But AFF changed the rules all of a sudden and kept telling me I couldn’t review more than once in the same day, which was kind of bizarre considering I had already reviewed your story 5 times. So anyway, this is one big review. Thanks for the nice review you left on my story. Just to let you know, I review as I read, that's why I like to separate the chapters.


Chapter 6

Now I was not expecting this chapter at all! Is Esser von Seelen the Devil? After all, I can think of no other who could command millionaires to offer their wife and daughter. And what is it that Esser takes from people? It was real creepy what he did to Bea. Is he stealing part of her soul? Actually, now that I think about it… it does make sense if he really is the Devil since you pretty much painted the neighborhood as hell.

I’m glad you made it clear that Crowley did not having any choice about bringing Bea. I wouldn’t want to think that he did that on purpose.

This story has certainly taken another turn and you have quite an imagination!

Chapter 7

Well I guess I was right about “his Majesty” taking part of Bea’s soul! Of course, the way you describe it, with everyone getting their fix, it’s almost as if they take souls like a narcotic. What an intriguing idea!

I’m glad Bea and Crowley got to kiss. I love tender moments! Obviously Bea is falling for him. I don’t blame her.

Crowley’s sister sounds like she’s been through hell, she almost a skeleton. And what does she mean Crowley wouldn’t let anyone stay with him when he was still alive on this earth? Is Crowley dead? I’m starting to suspect the neighborhood truly is hell. This is a fascinating story!

Chapter 8

That’s sweet having Bea wake up in Crowley’s arms, and it definitely sounds like she would like to be more than just friends. I think Crowley is falling for Bea also, since he is acting protective over her.

It seems all of Bea’s memories are pretty horrible aren’t they?

Oh my gosh, they just shot Crowley! This is horrible! I can’t believe you just killed him. I'm hoping that since you hinted that Crowley is already dead it won’t make any difference that he’s been shot. And where are they taking Bea? Well of course you know this is a horrible cliffhanger. So you must update soon!!

Anyway, great job -- keep up the great work!

You killed off Crowly!? How evil can you get? I really liked the guy. I'm in shock, but waiting to see where this goes.

@8. WTF arghh why leave it there???? update soon!!!!

*DB*

oh my god i love this chapter!!! please update soon!!!

@7. cool chapter, update soon

*DB*